


Out of the Shadows

by bookscorpion



Series: Changing of the Light [1]
Category: Shadowrun: Hong Kong
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Complete, Fandom Blind Friendly, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers, because the ending of the game killed me, eventually, something of a fix-it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-06-29 19:07:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookscorpion/pseuds/bookscorpion
Summary: Spoilers for the end of the Extended Edition of the game!After walking away from his brother and the others, Duncan is drifting and lost, spiraling towards rock bottom. Maybe he can find his way again, with a bit of help.





	1. Man on the Edge

 

* * *

Duncan woke up in an unfamiliar room, to the sound of rain hitting the windows. He kept still for a moment, taking stock of his surroundings. From his position, he could see his bag and a pile of clothes on top of it, so that was good. A quick check: he was dressed in t-shirt and boxers and it looked like he had had the bed to himself. That was good, too, he didn’t have the stomach to face another drunken one night stand, there had been too many of those lately. But it was kind of weird … unless he had been too drunk last night even to fuck. Judging from the quality of his headache and the lack of memory after a certain point, that was possible.

Through the closed door, he could hear the clatter of dishes and smell coffee. He swung his legs off the bed and clutched his head with a groan to stop his brain from sloshing around. After a while, he felt up to getting dressed, slowly. The room was small, but the view was nice and there even was a balcony, with a jungle of plants. What space the bed didn’t take up was filled with bookshelves, with actual paper books. He had never seen so many in one place.

Fully dressed, he felt a bit better, grabbed his stuff and took a deep breath before quietly opening the door, getting ready for some awkward talk and a probably ungraceful exit. Another step took him into the living room - more books here and pencil sketches pinned up all over the walls. A small sofa had been slept on, cushions and a couple of blankets still scattered around. Who the fuck took strangers home and let them sleep in their bed, alone?

The kitchen was across the living room and for a moment he thought about just sneaking out. But he knew perfectly well that he would feel like shit for doing that and so he went to see who had taken pity on him last night. An ork took up much of the room in the tiny kitchen and looked up when Duncan hesitated on the threshold. ‘Hey, you’re up! You probably don’t remember - my name’s Rhys and you crashed here.’ He was less heavily built than Duncan, with dark hair in a ponytail and colourful tattoos of animals and plants on light skin sneaking their way up his arms. ‘I didn’t want to let you ride that bike of yours in your state and you were at least halfway passed out by the time we got here.’ He smiled. ‘So, how about breakfast? I make a mean duck egg omelet and those are real eggs, mind you.’

Duncan opened his mouth to say no and heard himself say: ‘Okay, yeah, breakfast sounds good.’ His brain had been overruled by hunger and a wave of loneliness so intense it was painful. Outside of work, he had not talked to anyone for weeks, not really talked. And at work, he kept things strictly business. It was easier that way and mostly, he was pretty good at ignoring the need for human contact. Unless he got drunk.

Rhys gave him another smile and pushed some plates and cutlery his way. ‘You can set the table. Or go take a shower if you want to, bathroom’s down the hall on the left.’

‘Shower...yeah, I better do that.’ Duncan felt slightly overwhelmed and hoped that ten minutes under a hot shower would help.

 

It did, at least a little bit. There was nothing he could do about his clothes, smelling of smoke and sweat, but at least his headache had let up by the time he was done. When he came back into the living room, Rhys had already set the low table in front of the sofa and was busy putting the finishing touches on the omelet. ‘Take the sofa, there’s coffee in the thermos’, he yelled from the kitchen and came in a minute later carrying two plates. He found Duncan still standing, looking lost. “Sit. Eat. Talk later, if you want to. If not, say thanks and leave. Although I would prefer talking.” Rhys’s easy manner and the smell of food helped Duncan get a grip on himself, enough to sit down and devour the omelet. The silence between them didn’t have time to get awkward.

‘Thank you. I hope I didn’t make too much of an ass out of myself yesterday. I’m usually better at knowing my limits...’ Duncan fought the instinct to leave, sitting there actually felt good and he wanted to enjoy it a bit longer.

Rhys laughed and shook his head. He was sitting cross-legged in a battered armchair and had eaten just as ravenously as Duncan. ‘You were pretty quiet actually. Like, really determined to drown whatever’s bothering you. By the time I went over to you, you had already blown off a couple of guys – you can’t come in there with all those muscles and not attract attention. You weren’t exactly welcoming, but I go for the strong, sullen type, so sue me. Anyway, we got talking about guns and you kept working on that hangover of yours. When it was time to go, I kind of steered you in the direction of my car. I honestly think you didn’t notice and wouldn’t have cared if you did. You cussed out someone named Echo. Boyfriend? You don’t have to answer that.’

Duncan had flinched visibly at the name and shook his head. ‘No, it’s okay. Echo’s my brother. And he fucked me over big time. Don’t want to see him ever again.’ That was a lie and Duncan knew it.

If Rhys knew, he didn’t show it. ‘Family can be the worst. Full disclosure: you told me that you don’t have a SIN and that it’s Echo’s fault. I didn’t ask and you passed out right around there anyway. If I had to guess, I’d tag you as a shadowrunner and you can bet your ass that I’m curious, but it won’t kill me if we don’t talk about it. I am pretty interested in getting to know you, though.’ He spread his hands in a gesture saying that it was up to Duncan now.

There was a long moment of silence while Duncan tried to decide what to do. He wanted to stay so much he could taste it, but at the same time he almost panicked at the thought. He had never been sociable at the best of times, but the last year had really done a number on his social life, such as there had been.

Rhys leaned forward and started to gather up the plates. ‘Tell you what, I clean up the kitchen and when you’re still here when I’m done we’ll go for a walk or something. But if you’d rather leave, then leave. Maybe take my commlink number, if you feel like it.” He scribbled it down on a piece of paper, with an actual fountain pen, and then walked into the kitchen, closing the door behind him. When he came back ten minutes later, Duncan was gone. But so was the scrap of paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been sitting on this for years now. The ending of the DLC was so shocking to me, I sat there absolutely stunned and watched the credits roll because holy shit, that was harsh. And I wanted to see what happens next and how Duncan is dealing on his own. Spoiler: not that well.
> 
> Fic and chapter titles are taken from Iron Maiden songs
> 
> Cover made by [Crimsonherbarium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonherbarium/pseuds/crimsonherbarium) \- thank you so much!!


	2. A Second Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan gets his shit together...as much as he can right now...and goes to see Rhys.

Rhys saw the person stepping up to him from the corner of his eye and wheeled round, hands raised - at this time of night and in his line of work, people stepping out of dark corners rarely wanted anything good. He relaxed when he recognised Duncan, but not completely. Duncan looked like hell, like he would keel over at any moment. ‘What the fuck, man? It’s been a month and NOW you’re sitting on my doorstep? Are you in trouble?’ 

‘No. Yes.”, Duncan laughed, but he sounded tired and he swayed on his feet. ‘Look, I’m sorry for not calling sooner and for ambushing you like that. I’m not in trouble, there isn’t anyone coming for me or whatever you’re thinking. I’m just … I haven’t slept for a while and I kind of went for a drink before coming here and … fuck, this is a total mess, I better go.’ He turned away, shoulders pulled up, angry at himself. 

A hand on his arm stopped him.’You will do no such thing. I’ve been staring at my commlink for a month, there’s no way I’m letting you get away again. Get in the elevator.’ Rhys pushed the door open with his free hand and glared at Duncan until he did what he was told. The elevator ride was long enough for the silence to get awkward, but Rhys stopped Duncan from saying anything with a short: ‘Not until we’re sitting down.’

He could see that Duncan had put some care into making himself presentable, with a clean shirt and pants and a fresh shave that made him look a lot less rugged than when they first met. Some sleep and not going for a drink would have helped even more, but he could see that Duncan was all keyed up, almost vibrating with tension. He wondered if the man had any middle gears at all.

Back in the apartment, he gestured him towards the sofa and made some tea. He didn’t think it would be a good idea to let Duncan drink coffee right now, let alone alcohol. He put the mugs on the table and flopped down in the armchair. ‘Alright. Let’s talk. You look like shit, you’re half drunk on booze and not sleeping and looking at you, I’m afraid that you’re going to explode any second now from sheer stress.’ He nodded at Duncan. ‘Your turn. Tell me what’s got you into this sorry state.’

Duncan played for time by sipping his tea, then he leaned forward and concentrated on the mug. He found it easier to talk when he didn’t look up to see Rhys watching him like a hawk. He couldn’t read him at all right now, he didn’t sound pissed, but he didn’t look exactly friendly either. ‘Listen, I really wanted to call. I know your number by heart, I dialed it so many times. But … well, if I don’t call, you can’t say no or ‘Jesus, Duncan, get out of my life already, I don’t need your shit.’ I mean, I know that we only really met for an hour or so and I made a shit impression that time round. And who knows if this is going to be anything at all. But I really don’t want to fuck it up. I’ve been living like a hermit for a year now and I can’t do this anymore. That breakfast with you the other day was like the first normal thing I’ve done for ages. I work, I eat, I sleep in some rat hole, sometimes I get drunk. That’s it, that’s my life right now. And I hate it, every minute of it. Except for that hour last month. And I would really, really love to spend some more time with you. Take that walk. Even if it doesn’t work out, maybe I can get some ground beneath my feet. So no pressure.’ He laughed, a short bark, and kept his eyes on his mug. There was a long pause and he could feel his heart rate go up, a sick feeling in his stomach. 

‘Duncan, look at me. I can’t take a walk with someone who doesn’t look up, you’d be forever running into things.’ Rhys sounded amused and Duncan’s old instincts kicked in, wondering whether he was being laughed at. But Rhys’s smile was gentle. He leaned in and touched Duncan’s arm, let his fingers rest lightly on his bare skin. ‘So let’s spend some time and get to know each other. It’s a bit late for the walk, but have you eaten? No, let me re-phrase: have you eaten anything but instant ramen lately?’

It was all Duncan could do not to flinch at the touch. It felt like the first time someone touched him in forever. He had had some one night stands, but he couldn’t really remember most of them and from what he could remember, there had been very little gentleness there. And other than that, there simply was no-one who would have a reason to touch him, except to maybe knife him in the gut. He took a moment to find his voice. ‘Some energy bars, but I suppose those don’t count either?’

‘Nope. Get up, we’re going cooking.’ Rhys took his hand away and waved for Duncan to follow him. He was given a knife and chopped vegetables for a stir fry while Rhys took care of the actual cooking, made easy small talk and took the chance to watch Duncan while he was too busy concentrating on not cutting his fingers along with the bell pepper to notice. Duncan was obviously not used to knives that weren’t for stabbing, but he was a quick learner.

When they were done, they took their plates outside on the balcony to eat. Duncan had calmed down, he was still visibly exhausted, but he no longer felt like a coiled spring. The food, more fresh vegetables than he had seen all month, helped him relax some more. 

‘Can I ask what you do for a living?’ Rhys looked at him with his head to one side, obviously unsure if that was too touchy a subject.  
Duncan swallowed his mouthful of food and looked out over the harbor before answering. ‘I could say security. I take what I can get, like protection, of people and of goods. Sometimes I get hired to rough people up or to demonstrate that a roughing up is in the cards if debts are not paid.’ In truth, that had been happening a lot more often lately, ever since he himself had gone into debt with a local money lender. The shadows hadn’t been exactly kind to him. ‘I used to be a cop. Lone Star. But that’s over. What about you? How do you earn enough for this view?’

Rhys smiled and followed Duncan’s gaze. ‘I’m a shaman and I could say security, too. Let’s be honest, I do small-time shadow work. I get hired by teams who need a mage but can’t afford to have one full-time. It’s not so glamorous, but at least I’m not owned by a corporation. And it’s not like corporations like shamans all that much anyway. It pays enough for this shoebox and for the view.’

‘It’s a nice shoebox.’ Duncan had finished his food and pushed the plate away with a sigh. ‘Man, I don’t think my body is used to all those vitamins any more. But I’m not complaining.’ 

Rhys grinned. ‘You can’t keep in shape just with ramen and energy bars. Sorry, but I’m afraid you need to stay at least for breakfast.’ It had started raining again and he looked up at the low-hanging clouds rolling in from the sea. ‘Let’s go inside, it’s getting a bit wet here.’

Duncan took a moment to react, his brain had frozen up at hearing ‘stay at least for breakfast’. Which meant spending the night. Which meant navigating a maze of social cues and he felt very much out of practice. Usually, he took a much more direct approach, but that wouldn’t work here. He felt like he was drifting at sea, with no idea where to steer and he could feel himself growing tense again as he followed Rhys inside.

Rhys could tell that something was wrong from the way Duncan sat on the sofa, shoulders hunched, fingers fiddling nervously with the fabric of his pants, like he was waiting for something unpleasant to happen. ‘Duncan, you are going to give yourself a heart attack. Listen, I promise that I am not easily offended or put off. Calm down, will you?’ He had originally planned to sit in the armchair, to give Duncan some space, but now he shrugged and sat down on the sofa. It was just big enough for the two of them to sit with a little space between them. Rhys crossed the space to touch Duncan’s arm again, but this time, he let his fingers wander up, slowly. When Duncan didn’t pull away, he touched his neck, feeling the tense muscles there, and then his face, tracing his jawline. Duncan closed his eyes and didn’t dare to move, leaned into the touch just the tiniest bit. He could feel his heart beating and his skin was numb except in the places Rhys had touched. He jumped a bit, drawing a sharp breath, when fingers ran through his hair and found a sensitive spot behind his ear. 

When he had fantasised about this, and he had done that more times than he cared to admit, they had been having sex, not so much different from his one night stands. He wondered how he had forgotten how good being touched this slowly and gently felt. Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to remember until now because that would have been cruel. He usually could get sex if he cared to, but intimacy like this had been only a distant memory for much too long. 

Rhys took his hand away and Duncan opened his eyes, trying to come up with something to say. He thought better of it and pulled Rhys a bit closer, close enough to kiss. 

That close, he could smell smoke, like from a wood fire, incense and some other things he couldn’t place. But, he decided, it was a great smell and he buried his face against Rhys’s neck, breathing deep. He could feel Rhys’s hands on his back, tracing his spine, and he gasped when they found another sensitive spot between his shoulder blades.

Rhys leaned back slowly until he was propped up semi-comfortable by some cushions and the sofa’s armrest, pulling Duncan with him. It took some wrangling of legs and elbows, but finally Duncan was lying in the crook of Rhys’s arm, stretched out half on top of him. He listened to Rhys’s heart, beating strongly and much more slowly than his own. With closed eyes, he simply enjoyed being held like this, Rhys’s fingers playing with his hair and gently following the lines of his face. He couldn’t find a good reason to move, any thought of sex pushed aside by the need for comfort and sleep. His breathing slowed and after a while, he was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my beta reader [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) who is also one of the people responsible for this fic finally seeing the light of day!


	3. Heaven Can Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mild smut ahead! And an opportunity for Duncan to finally let his guard down a little bit.

When he woke up, he had a moment of disorientation and almost panic. He didn’t know where he was. Something was moving next to him...someone. He struggled to sit up and hit something hard. ‘Ouch, Duncan, stop it…’ Rhys pushed his arm away from his face and rubbed his jaw. ‘Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you up, but I can’t feel my legs any more.” He slid from the sofa to the floor and started massaging his calves. ‘Fuck, this hurts…’ The moment of panic had left Duncan wide awake, but he only curled up in the warm space Rhys had left, reaching out to stroke his neck. 

Outside, the rain had gotten harder and the lights of the harbour were barely visible beneath a low-hanging cover of clouds. The droplets cascading down the windows turned the view into colourful dots against a dark background. ‘Do you have work tomorrow?’ When Rhys shook his head, Duncan grinned. ‘Then let’s stay in bed all day. What do you think?’  
Rhys turned and kissed him. ‘I think that sounds very reasonable.’ He climbed up on the sofa again, this time on top of Duncan. His knee pushed between Duncan’s legs and that kept him so occupied that he almost didn’t notice Rhys taking his wrists until he was pinned down on his back. 

Rhys’s grin showed canines that were almost long enough to match his tusks. He bent down and gave Duncan a small bite on the neck, not hard enough to be painful, but Duncan couldn’t suppress a moan. That made Rhys look up, to check if he had done something wrong. It was pretty clear that Duncan was fine, so Rhys risked holding him down with only one hand just long enough to unbutton his shirt. He licked and nibbled, making his way down from neck to chest, until Duncan arched his back and tried to writhe out of his grip. 

Even though Rhys was more slender than him, Duncan found that much less easy that he would have thought. Especially when Rhys lay down on top of him with his whole weight. ‘Don’t think you’re getting away now.’ But Rhys pushed himself up and let go of Duncan’s wrists almost immediately, to see what he would do. It turned out that Duncan himself wasn’t so sure of that. Normally, he would have taken the active role or at least taken over now, but he found that he didn’t want to. Instead, he kept still, his hands next to his head and had to clear his throat before he could speak. ‘Don’t laugh, but I think I don’t want sex just now. I mean, I want it, but … let’s wait a bit. What you did just now … let’s see how far we can take that?’ 

Rhys smiled, gently tracing circles on Duncan’s skin. ‘That’s fine with me. On one condition: we move into the bedroom before this sofa kills me.’ He got up, pulling Duncan to his feet and into an embrace. They made their way to the next room kissing and navigating by touch, losing Duncan’s shirt and both their pants on the way. Rhys pushed Duncan over onto the bed, took off his own shirt before climbing on top of him again. ‘Now, where was I?’ He didn’t hold him down this time, instead he used his hands to caress him and make him moan, with kisses, small nips and fingertips searching for tender spots.

By the time he stopped, Duncan was shuddering and breathing hard. ‘Can you try to maybe look a bit less fuckable?’ Rhys rolled over on his side and gave Duncan’s nipple a last bite, making him draw a sharp breath. ‘See, with you lying there all helpless in my hands, it’s really hard not to take advantage.’ He laughed quietly and curled up, one arm and leg draped over Duncan. ‘I need a break.’ Duncan rolled into the embrace, hiding his face at Rhys’s neck. It took a while for his breathing to even out and he held Rhys close, like he was afraid he would just leave. 

After a while, he propped himself up on his elbow. The skyglow reflected from the clouds was light enough for him to see by and he traced Rhys’s tattoos. Plants and animals made their way up his arms, connected by swirling lines, like out of a very old book. On his back, they surrounded a much bigger tattoo of a bear. ‘Is that your guide? Bear?’ He remembered Gobbet and her rats and shoved the thought aside.  
Rhys nodded. ‘Yeah. He chose me and we work well together. I heal anyone who needs it and it really pisses me off if one of mine get injured, that’s what Bear asks of me.’ He touched a scar on Duncan’s side and another one on his stomach. ‘Knife and gun shot?’

Duncan grimaced and lay down again, his face half hidden behind his arm. ‘Gun shot on a run, someone got me up close, right through the armor. My … team got me out.’ It had been Echo who had carried him out, the others covering them. ‘The knife is fresher. Four months and I almost bled out. Didn’t have anyone who watched my back, but I made it somehow.’ Now he was bleeding out to pay back the debts he had made to pay the street doc who had patched him up. But he didn’t want to talk about that any more than he wanted to talk about Echo and his old team.

Rhys didn’t ask, instead he rolled over on his side and let his hand trail over Duncan’s back. He scooted closer until he felt Duncan’s skin on his own. ‘Running the shadows alone… I tried that for a while. Not long.’ He didn’t feel much like talking about that either. The rain had cooled the air down and he pulled the blanket over them, drew Duncan closer when he felt him shivering.

The shivers got stronger and they had nothing to do with the cold. Duncan gripped Rhys hard and tried to breathe slowly. He should have taken his meds, but they had been less and less effective lately, barely keeping him from getting lost in a maze of anxiety, doubt and self-hatred. He had buried everything he didn’t want to think about, like how he was drifting and turning back into the constantly angry, violent and vicious person he had been before Raymond and Echo. That had worked, after a fashion, while he hadn’t seen any chance to save himself, but now he couldn’t help but hope. But he also knew how deep he had buried himself and how impossible it would be to get out. He bit his lip to hold back the tears he could feel coming, hard enough to draw blood with his tusks. Rhys held him as close as he could. ‘I’ve got you. Breathe with me, okay? Slowly.’ He took deep breaths and Duncan tried his best to follow his lead. 

Finally, he got himself back under control, but he didn’t let go of Rhys. His grip loosened a bit and Rhys could feel him relax, but he stayed curled up, hidden under the blanket and in Rhys’s embrace. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically, and his body and his mind agreed that sleep was a great idea. Rhys smiled to himself, relieved, when Duncan grew heavy in his arms and kept on caressing his back with his fingertips until he fell asleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi), thank you so much!


	4. Infinite Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some exploration of various things. And a very rude interruption.  
> More mild smut ahead!

Duncan walked on the needle-carpeted, sun-dappled forest floor. The air carried the scent of moist earth, moss and trees. The trees towered above him, hiding much of the sky, and on both sides of the narrow path, ferns and brambles grew so high that he could have hidden among them. Fog rose where the sunlight hit the ground, curling in a slight breeze. It brought back memories of trips he had made with Echo and Raymond, the first time he had seen so many trees in one place. For once, the memories were not painful.

Branches snapped and crackled behind him and he turned, finding himself face to face with a bear. The animal, on all fours, was only a little smaller than he was and Duncan knew perfectly well that he was neither quick enough to run nor stood any chance in a fight. The bear moved its massive head, close enough that he could feels its breath on his skin, and it sniffed at him. Duncan kept still, he didn’t even dare to breathe. The bear’s nose touched him and he was playfully nudged, keeping his balance only with a quick step backwards. With a last snort, the bear drew back, turned around and ambled into the undergrowth without a further glance.

When he couldn’t hear any more rustling, Duncan sucked in air, feeling like he was going to faint any second now. But the feeling passed and he continued on his way. A jay scolded him and he looked up, seeing only the ceiling of Rhys’s bedroom. Rhys was sleeping next to him, holding him in his arms.

The dream was still vivid in his mind, colours and smells and the feeling of the soft needles under his bare feet. He suddenly realised that the bear had smelled just like Rhys and laughed. Rhys moved, opened his eyes and smiled at him. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘I dreamt about a bear. And the bear smelled like you.’

Rhys turned over to look Duncan straight into the eyes. ‘What did the bear do?’

‘It tried to find out if I was good to eat, maybe? It sniffed me, then walked away.’ Duncan was confused by Rhys’ serious reaction.

‘Maybe just a dream. Maybe not. Bear is a curious spirit. He may want to know who you are.’ Rhys did not look like he was joking. ‘Can I take a look at your aura?’

Duncan stared at him. ‘What? What do you mean, he wants to know who I am? And my aura, that’s…’ personal, he wanted to say, even if he had only a vague idea what there would be to see. But then he shrugged. ‘Okay, why not. Go ahead, but you have to tell me what you can read.’

‘Sure.’ Rhys didn’t move, but his eyes unfocused. Duncan still felt his gaze wander over him, at least he thought he did, and he started to fidget nervously. After a couple of second that felt much longer, Rhys blinked and focused again. ‘You’ll be delighted to hear that you are in perfect health, except for a minor injury here’, he touched Duncan’s mouth where he had bitten the inside of his lip earlier, ‘and here’, a bruised rib from a fight a couple of weeks ago.   
‘You’re no technomancer and you are not awakened. You also have no cyberware except for what I think is a cybernetic kidney - I admit I would have thought you were cybered. You’re pretty content at the moment, but there is a strong undercurrent of rage, fear and regret. There’s no spell on you, but you did have contact with magic. That was not just a dream, Bear took an interest. Like I said, he’s a curious one.’

Duncan took a moment to digest all this, sitting up. He didn’t know what he found more disturbing, the fact that a powerful spirit was interested in him or that Rhys had seen much more of his emotions than he had planned to reveal just yet. ‘So Bear, what, kidnapped me just so he could find out how I smelled? Doesn’t he talk?’ He heard the fury in his voice he had meant to hide.

Rhys scrambled to sit up and laid a hand on Duncan’s arm to calm him. ‘You were never in any danger. And it’s not like Bear can contact you in any other way, except maybe through me. Which I would have preferred, it would have given you the option of consenting to this and I apologise. But I don’t think Bear sees the problem, he is a spirit after all. They have different rules.’  
He seemed flustered for the first time since Duncan had met him. ‘And what he wanted … I can’t say for sure, but I think he just wanted to find out what kind of person you are. What happens on a metaplane is often something of a metaphor. With a person, he would have shaken your hand and looked at you, asked your name, that’s about it, as far as I can see. No spell was cast on you or anything. And you have met a spirit guide - not something many non-Awakened can say of themselves.’

Duncan’s anger slunk away in the face of Rhys’s apology and honest attempts to explain things. ‘Okay. Okay, I think I can deal with this. But if you talk to him anytime soon, let him know that I’d prefer to be asked before I wake up on a metaplane.’ He’d been on a metaplane before and he suppressed a shudder at the thought. They almost had all died there. Raymond was still a prisoner there and would remain so forever. But that had nothing to do with Rhys or Bear and he didn’t want to mention it. ‘I guess... it was a pretty impressive dream. Very real.’ The memory still had not faded.

‘It was real, in a sense. A vision, not a dream.’ Rhys got a bit closer to take Duncan in his arms. It was early enough that the sunrise cast fire on the clouds still hanging over the harbour and Rhys stifled a yawn. He let a hand trail over Duncan’s chest and stomach, playing with the hairs he found there.

Duncan felt vulnerable, not something he allowed himself to feel normally. But there was a kind of freedom in it, a kind of excitement in knowing that Rhys had seen how much of a mess he was. He just had to hope that his inner voice was wrong about how no-one would want to spend time with such a mess. The inner voice was, at least temporarily, silenced by Rhys’s hand on his leg, skirting the edges of the boxers he was still wearing. He leaned against him with a sigh, caressing his neck.

Rhys gently pushed him over and got on top of him, straddling him. He took care to sit on his stomach, but reached back to put a hand between his legs. Duncan yelped in surprise, but recovered quickly and spread his legs, shivering slightly in anticipation. He reached out to run his hands down Rhys’s sides. When Rhys’s fingers worked their way into his boxers and stroked his balls, he forgot how to move and breathe for a second. Rhys took his hands away and left Duncan with the feeling of a hot ball of lead in his guts and his cock suddenly rock hard. ‘I swear I’m not that desperate…’ Duncan was a bit embarrassed by how much he wanted this.

‘Are you not?’ Rhys’s grin was malicious. ‘I guess then we’ll have to work on that some more.’ He leaned forward to kiss Duncan and then got to down to business, touching, stroking, licking and kissing him everywhere. Except his balls and cock, those stayed covered. After a while, Duncan was shuddering and writhed at the slightest touch. ‘So, how’s the desperation now?’ Rhys managed somehow to sound very relaxed.

Duncan growled, grabbed him suddenly and threw him on his back. He crouched over Rhys, his hands on his shoulders to keep him down, and gave him a mock-bite to the throat, tusks scraping over tender skin. Rhys watched him with a little smile that made Duncan shiver with lust.

He was just going to pull down Rhys’s shorts when his commlink rang in the living room and he recognised Wei’s ringtone. ‘Fuck. FUCK!’ He rolled off the bed, anger and humiliation overpowering his excitement. ‘I have to take this. I’m sorry.’ He stalked out of the room, not daring to look back.

He hunted for his pants and the commlink. By the time he had found it, the message had gone to voicemail, but it has been a pre-recorded message anyway, ordering him to come to Wei’s bar immediately. Wei didn’t take into account that he might have something better to do and he didn’t need to, 10k Nuyen debts with interest took care of that. 

Duncan took a deep breath and felt tears of rage stinging in his eyes. He blinked them back and wished he could punch something. Whoever he had to intimidate this time would pay for this. He hated himself for it, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to control himself once he was off the leash. Wei had an attack dog in Duncan and treated him that way, safe in the knowledge that he didn’t dare refuse Wei’s orders, and so took his frustration and rage out on the people Wei wanted forcefully reminded of something, or just punished.

He heard the bedroom door open and tried to hide how he felt, but failed miserably. Fingers skimmed over his back, gently, as if Rhys was afraid that he’d explode. Duncan hoped that he didn’t realise how close to the truth that was.

‘I take it something important has come up?’

Duncan nodded and didn’t trust himself to speak.

‘Listen, don’t make a big deal out of this, okay? Take care of it and then come back to me.’ Rhys put his hand on his cheek, ran a finger over his lips. ‘Promise me that you’ll come back.’

That got a small smile out of him. ‘I promise. I don’t think I could stay away.’ He got dressed hastily and before he left, Rhys pulled him into an embrace and kissed him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking some liberties with how magic works here, at least compared to the rules of the pen&paper rpg. 
> 
> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you!


	5. Chains of Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Achievement unlocked: tragic backstory

It took Duncan until late in the afternoon to finish running Wei’s errands and by the time he was done, he was in a foul mood. Usually, there was some sickly exhilaration in seeing how the people feared him, how they flinched when he moved, how he could get them to beg with just a few well-aimed punches. It was like a drug and all his self-loathing afterwards couldn’t keep him from it. He payed for it with nightmares and numbed himself with alcohol when it got too bad. But now, he had to face Rhys. There was no question of not going, he wanted to see him so much it hurt. But he was deeply ashamed of what he had done, what he had become, and even without magic, Rhys was going to see it. He would have to tell him and that would be the end of whatever they could have had. 

He had headed home for a shower and a change of clothes. His knuckles were scraped and raw and there had been blood, his own and other people’s, on his old clothes. They had taken on the smell of overcrowded rooms and alleyways filled with garbage. Now he was dressed in clean clothes but he couldn’t shake the impression that he still carried the stench of fear and rage with him on his skin. 

After ringing the doorbell, Duncan had a split second where he was ready to run and would have done it if Rhys had not opened the door just then. The clear joy on Rhys’s face at seeing him made him smile, but at the same time he felt sick. Rhys pulled him inside and hugged him. Duncan leaned into the embrace, buried his face against Rhys’s neck and a small sob escaped him. ‘What’s wrong?’ Rhys didn’t let go, but he sounded worried and held him a bit closer.

Duncan fought to keep his composure, but he didn’t stand a chance. The tears came and he clutched at Rhys like a drowning man, started to cry with a long howl that he had been forced to keep inside for much too long. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t calm down for what felt like an eternity. Rhys just held him, stroking his back and didn’t try to get him to stop. Every time Duncan got a bit calmer, he tried to explain what was wrong, but instead only more tears came. 

Finally, he was simply too exhausted to cry any more. Rhys very slowly maneouvered him towards the sofa. ‘I’ll make tea and then we’ll talk, okay?’ Duncan nodded, he didn’t trust himself to speak just now. Rhys gently wiped away some of the tears and Duncan closed his eyes at the touch. He couldn’t stand looking at Rhys and hated how he had lost control of himself in front of him. 

When Rhys returned with two mugs, Duncan had washed his face and had himself under control again. But he still dreaded what was going to happen now and it was obvious in every gesture. Rhys sat next to him and ran a hand down his back. ‘So, what happened? Can I help you?’ 

Duncan studied his tea mug, his face expressionless. But he leaned into Rhys’s touch, just a bit, and after a couple of deep breaths, he started talking. ‘I grew up in Seattle, in the Redmond Barrens and by the time I was ten, I was a street animal with a vicious streak a mile wide. The people I ran with respected me because I was more violent than any of them. I had no self-control, just this bottomless rage. When I started running with Echo, it got worse in a way because he called the shots and I could tell myself I was only following his lead. But he kept me under control, too, and I think that saved my life. Rabid animals don’t live all that long, even on the street.’

‘We were both taken in by a man called Raymond. He gave us a home and he got us away from the streets. It was hard and I hated him for being so strict more times than I can count, but it worked. I learned to control myself, to keep a certain discipline in my life, to manage my rage. He even got me into Lone Star and I had a career ahead of me.’

‘It all fell apart when Raymond vanished and called Echo and me here to Hong Kong, he needed our help. I … don’t want to talk about what happened there, but Echo and I lost our SINs. Raymond got .... killed, although we did help him fix the mistake he had made. And in the end, Echo made the decision to stay in the shadows and with that, my old life was gone for good. We had had the chance to get our SIN back, but the team would have needed to do something and Echo and the rest of the team decided against it. I ditched them then and there and I haven’t seen them since. I don’t particularly want to.’

‘Anyway, with no SIN, I had to get by somehow. My skills as ex-Lone Star were useful, but the shadows hadn’t exactly been waiting for me. I made a living of sorts. Until I got stabbed. I almost died. And I had to go into debt to pay the street doc who treated me. To be exact, I passed out in his shop and when I came round again, I owed 10k to a loan shark. I work for him now. He owns me, more or less. And he uses me as his enforcer. Someone doesn’t pay on time, I go by their house and break their nose or their arms, maybe only their furniture if they are lucky. I do it in front of their families or their colleagues, if the loan shark wants me to.’

‘I found out that the rabid animal isn’t dead like I thought. It has just been sleeping and now it’s awake again. And I’m losing control of it. Of myself. I’m furious all the time, at myself, at Echo, at everything. But when I hurt those people, it makes me feel better. For a time. After that, I hate myself, I’m ashamed and I get angry again. When Wei calls me, I look forward to it. He knows it and he uses it against me, to keep me off-balance. A weapon to be turned loose. I can’t refuse and I can’t run. I tried to run and they got me before I had even left the city. That cost me 1k Nuyen and the most vicious beating I’ve ever had and I’ve had a few. Next time or when I refuse, I’m probably dead.’

He put down his mug and looked up at Rhys. ‘I don’t know what to do. I can’t live like this any more. I don’t even know if I can find back to how I was before all this happened, but if I still can, that won’t last much longer. So, yeah, I need help.’ His hands were shaking and he felt exhausted. 

Rhys didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but he kept stroking Duncan’s back, put his other hand on top of Duncan’s. ‘You won’t get out of that by yourself, I can tell you that. You’re too useful to Wei, there’s no way he is planning on letting you go easily.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘Would you be willing to do runs? I know a couple of people who would find your skills useful and you could make enough money to pay him back.’

‘Not like I have much choice. Yeah. I’d go back to that life if it means I can get away from Wei.’ Duncan took a deep, shuddering breath. ‘Thank you.’ He tried to say more, but Rhys silenced him with a kiss. 

‘Don’t say anything. Just don’t run away from me, that’s all I’m asking. Or rather, talk to me when you have a problem or when stuff gets too much, just don’t walk out.’ Duncan nodded, let himself get hugged, breathed in Rhys’s smell and stopped thinking for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi), thank you!
> 
> It was fun to write this, I hope y'all have at least as much fun reading it!


	6. Brave New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Peter Gabriel voice](https://youtu.be/Ww9JS8dJ9fY?t=114) Lord, here comes the smut.

They had migrated to the bedroom and opened the door to the balcony. The noise of the city filtered in, a low roar of traffic and the echoing boom of shipping containers being stacked. The air carried the smell of seawater and the sweet scent of a plant that now started to open its flowers and attracted large moths. 

One of them flew into the room and settled on the wall. Rhys gently nudged it onto his hand and showed it to Duncan. He had never seen one like it, as big as his palm, green with large reddish-brown eyespots. It was furry, its eyes reflecting the light. It seemed to regard him for a moment before it flew off again. Rhys took Duncan’s hand into his and turned it over to look at his bruised knuckles. 

‘Let me heal that before it gets infected.’ He looked up, stroking Duncan’s palm with his fingers, waiting for permission. When Duncan nodded, he concentrated. Duncan’s hands started to tingle, like they had suddenly gone to sleep, and after a couple of minutes, the skin on his knuckles was still a bit scabbed, but healed underneath. 

Duncan shook his head in wonder. ‘I will never get used this. It just feels weird.’ He stretched and intertwined his fingers with Rhys’s, looking down on them. ‘Are you sure you want to do this? I honestly don’t know if I can make it back. And even if I do, it will take a long time and I will fuck things up on the way. I know how it was the first time. I’m not the most stable person to be around.’

Rhys touched his face, got him to look him in the eyes. ‘If you’re going to say that I can do better, I’m going to punch you. Yeah, sure, you’ll fuck up and we’re going to fight and shout at each other and what have you. I’m not stupid and I don’t think that your problems are going to magically go away just because I’m there. But I want to be there and I want to see where this will take us. Maybe it won’t work out - who knows. We’ll take it one day at a time. Just don’t assume that you need to save me from yourself and if you fucked up, talk to me about it. Don’t run away when things get tough. Don’t assume that I don’t want you around because I really, really do.’ 

Duncan searched for words, but Rhys pulled him close and kissed him. Duncan had been told to shut up a lot of times, but never this pleasantly. He pushed his hands into Rhys’ hair, feeling the soft stubble of the undercut. Soon their hands were doing all the talking, pulling off clothes and exploring their bodies.

~~~~~~~~~

Rhys paused, his fingers hooked into Duncan’s boxers and looked down at him, with a very hungry expression in his eyes. ‘You’re sure about this?’ 

Duncan tried to answer but Rhys’s hand, cupping his balls, took his breath away for a moment. ‘What, you want me to beg? Because I will if you don’t hurry up.’ He was serious. 

‘Maybe...’ Rhys grinned and took a second or two to look at Duncan, finally naked, before he ran a finger down his cock. He started to stroke him, pulling down the foreskin to expose the tip, taking it into his mouth. Duncan shuddered when he felt Rhys’s tongue playing with him and grabbed the bed sheets to keep himself still when Rhys started to suck him. 

Rhys’ ponytail fell over his shoulder, the hairs sliding over Duncan’s skin with every movement. The touch was barely noticeable, especially with Rhys taking him all the way, swallowing around him. It still made him squirm. Rhys was perfectly aware of this, Duncan was sure, but he was no help. Instead, he made sure the tips of his hair dragged over the sensitive skin on the inside of Duncan’s thigh every time he came up for air.

When he thought that Duncan was going to scream if he kept this up much longer, Rhys stopped and got some lube from the nightstand, kissing Duncan on the way. He took his time, pushing Duncan’s legs apart a bit more, caressing his thighs. The lube was cold on Duncan’s skin when Rhys slowly pressed a finger against him. 

Duncan rolled his hips and flinched a bit when he felt the finger enter him. It was not painful at all, but he was suddenly breathless. Taking it this slow meant he had time to think about the sheer intimacy of it. Of giving up control and letting Rhys play with him. Another finger entering him scattered his thoughts. He was already close to coming but there was no way he was going to ask for a break now. With closed eyes, he tried to calm down. 

Rhys pulled back and touched his face. ‘Look at me.’ Duncan took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. Rhys held his gaze and easily slipped two fingers into him again. With a smile that was just a tiny bit evil, Rhys curled both fingers, found his prostate and started massaging it. Duncan arched his back with a helpless moan. 

He bucked his hips when Rhys stroked his cock again. ‘Fuck me already, will you?’ He heard the neediness in his voice. ‘Please...’ He would have laughed at the thought of actually begging someone to fuck him and he didn’t know if it was the last year, Rhys or both and he didn’t care. He just wanted to feel Rhys inside him and if he had to beg to get it, he would.

Rhys couldn’t stand to wait much longer either and pulled Duncan closer, his hands on his hips. He ran his fingers down Duncan’s sides and up his stomach and chest, very gently. When Duncan felt the cock pressed against him, he spread his legs wider and gasped as it slid into him. 

No matter how much he wanted this, the feeling of Rhys’ cock moving inside him still was a shock. Duncan was far from a virgin, but Rhys let him savour each new sensation. And it was almost too much for him. Rhys pushed until he was all the way inside and Duncan felt like he was melting around him. 

At first, Rhys was gentle and moved slowly. Duncan pushed into his thrusts. Soon the time for gentleness was over. Duncan arched his back and tried to hold onto Rhys. He didn’t have much coordination left, especially not when Rhys put his fingers around his cock. Every movement let it slip through Rhys’s loose fist. When he pulled back enough to hit just the right spot every time his cock slid deeper into Duncan, that was enough to push Duncan over the edge. 

The sight and feeling of him shuddering and writhing, coming with a scream, finished Rhys off. He collapsed on top of Duncan, clutching at him. For a time, neither of them moved. They just held onto each other and tried to get their breath back. Duncan could feel Rhys going soft inside him, slipping out. His own cum trickled down his sides, leaving a cool trail on his skin.

After a while, Rhys rolled into Duncan’s arm, nestling into him. ‘I really like how you look when you let your guard down.’ 

Duncan snorted. ‘You mean, when I’m busy getting my brains fucked out after begging for it? You have an evil side, you know that? Not that I mind. Not with you, I don’t.’ 

‘I admit that I rather like teasing you. Seeing what happens when you really want something. How far you will go. But please, tell me when that makes you uncomfortable. I don’t want to go too far by accident.’ Rhys caressed his neck, ran his fingers down his arms and up his chest again. 

‘Don’t worry, I’d let you know. But right now I’m more than okay with it. Handing control over to you is…’, he had to think for a moment, ‘interesting. I don’t do that, as a rule. I don’t know how far that’ll go, but I’m up to finding it out.’

He felt Rhys’s tusks on his shoulder, pressing down just lightly enough that it wasn’t painful. 

‘We’ll take it slow, just like everything else.’ Rhys rolled over, sat up and stretched. ‘How does a shower sound?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2018: the year I post explicit smut. Hell yeah.
> 
> Betaread by [Tyellas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyellas) and [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you!


	7. Where Eagles Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut. You didn't think they'd only do it _once_ on their first night, did you?

The bathroom was too small for them to share. When Duncan came back, Rhys had put some new sheets on the bed. He curled up in the middle of the bed while Rhys showered, listening to the running water and the muffled roar of the city: engines, sirens, the sound of crowds and of the harbour. With a slight shiver, he pulled the blanket over himself. He still couldn’t believe that he had a chance of regaining his freedom. He didn’t want to think about it too much just now. For now, he wanted to enjoy being with Rhys and not care about anything, even if it was only for that one night.

Duncan had dozed off when Rhys climbed on the bed and he woke with a start, his hand going for the knife he kept stashed under his pillow at his place. His brain kicked in and he rolled onto his back, relaxing again. Rhys had raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment. Instead he got under the blanket, rolled into Duncan’s arm and put his hand between Duncan’s legs, lazily petting his cock. His fingers were warm against Duncan’s skin. Duncan flinched, surprised, and felt himself growing hard. 

Rhys raised another eyebrow. ‘Oh, you’re less tired than you look, that’s good.’

‘I’m not sure that me and my cock agree on that.’ Duncan also wasn’t sure he had any say in the matter. 

‘Well, it would be tragic if you made a mess just after I cleaned everything up, I give you that’, Rhys propped himself up on his elbow, holding down Duncan’s left arm while doing so completely by accident. He curled his fingers in the hairs at the base of Duncan’s cock, let go and continued stroking him. Taking care to keep Duncan trapped under him, Rhys leaned over and sucked at Duncan's nipple until it was hard, giving it a gentle bite.

With a groan, Duncan made a bid for freedom, trying to extricate himself. It was out of habit, the need to play the active role. But his heart wasn't really in it. Rhys had found just the right way to touch him, gently squeezing the tip of his cock, slick with precum, between his fingers.

'I can make no promises if you keep that up.’ Duncan gave in and kept still.

‘Self-control, Duncan.’ Rhys gave him a serious look with just a hint of a grin. ‘I’m sure you’re a fast learner. Or I can just stop, you only need to say it.’ It felt much too good to stop and Rhys knew it. He was very good at reading Duncan, figuring out how he liked to be touched. It didn’t take long until he had him sweating and bucking his hips. 

Duncan tried hard not to lose control. Right now, even the slightest touch threatened to be too much. A finger running down his thigh, another finding a sensitive spot behind his ear. The very subtle hint that there would be consequences if he did come didn’t help either. The images his brain offered to answer that weren’t doing anything at all for his composure. What if Rhys made him beg to be allowed to come? That thought was both embarrassing and exciting.

When Rhys slowed down, Duncan gave a frustrated moan: 'Don't stop. Please.' He shivered at the last word and at the look Rhys gave him. He might have given Rhys ideas there. 

‘I don’t think you can take much more.’ Rhys hadn’t taken his hand away and could feel Duncan moving, pushing his cock between Rhys’ fingers. ‘But you know your limits. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’ He wanted to see what Duncan would do, especially without clear rules. Pushing the blanket aside, he straddled Duncan and rubbed his cock with his own, taking them both and stroking them. 

He leaned forward and kissed Duncan, biting his lip and his throat, sucking hard enough on the skin that Duncan moved away with a hiss. Rhys examined the spot and smiled at the mark he had left. ‘How about this. You get me to come before you do and maybe I won’t mind.’ He rolled over and pulled Duncan on top of him, letting go of him for now.

Duncan took a moment to get his breath back and to figure out what he was going to do. If Rhys kept his hands to himself, Duncan thought he had a chance, but the little smile on Rhys’ face made him doubt that he was going to get a reprieve. He thought about positioning himself out of reach and decided against it. There was no fun in playing it safe. 

He stayed where he was and ran his finger over Rhys’ arms, following the lines of his tattoos. He thought he could feel some of them, just barely noticeable raised over the rest of the skin. The lines took him to Rhys’ shoulders and a bit of the way up his neck, but from there on he was on his own. He worked his way down again, dragging his fingers over Rhys’ chest and stomach just hard enough to leave a trace with his nails. He watched the marks turn red on Rhys’ light skin, did it again. Rhys kept still, his hands resting on Duncan’s legs, and enjoyed the attention. 

Every movement rubbed their cocks together, sending a shiver of pleasure up Duncan’s spine. After a time, it got very hard to ignore. So Duncan got on his hands and knees next to Rhys and licked his cock, tasting skin and salty precum. Duncan took him into his mouth and started to suck him, heard Rhys gasp a little. Duncan wasn’t all that into giving blowjobs, but he found himself enjoying this. Probably because Rhys didn’t try to establish some sort of dominance by holding him down or rough handling.

Instead, Rhys just spread out beneath him, letting him take his cock into his mouth as far as Duncan was comfortable with and try to discover what felt good for them both. He reached out and cupped his hand around Duncan’s balls, squeezing very gently, then let his hand wander up so he could stroke Duncan’s cock and make it that much harder for him to concentrate. 

Duncan stopped what he was doing, pulled in a sharp breath and moved a bit to make it easier for Rhys. After triggering his gag reflex a couple of times, he had worked out how to take Rhys deep into his mouth, caressed his balls and the tender skin on his thighs. It was hard to keep it up while Rhys did his best to distract him, but he could feel Rhys starting to shudder and moan at his touch. Duncan found out that he got a particularly strong reaction when he gently pushed his tongue into the groove at the underside of the tip and did it every time he stopped sucking to take a breath.

It was a close call in the end, Rhys coming just before Duncan. Rhys couldn’t keep from thrusting his hips, bucking hard. Duncan was enough into his rhythm by then not to be bothered by it. He kept sucking and playing with his tongue until he felt his mouth fill with hot cum. Instead of spitting it out, he swallowed. Doing that, as much as Rhys’ hand on his cock, made him come. He always had flat out refused to do this, but choosing to do it was a very different and exciting thing.

It was all he could do to stay on all fours, eyes closed. His muscles jerked, making him shudder. He could feel Rhys shivering in the aftermath of his orgasm, gasping for breath. Duncan reached out blindly and took his hand. Rhys held on to him like he had thrown him a lifeline. 

After he got some of his breath back, Rhys laughed quietly. ‘Look at this mess. I knew this wouldn’t end well.’ He tried for a serious look, but couldn’t keep the grin from his face. ‘But I think I don’t mind.’

Duncan looked up at him. ‘Maybe my self-control does need some more work.’ He ducked his head and licked Rhys’ cock, making him flinch. When it was clean, he grabbed some tissues from the nightstand and wiped his cum from Rhys’s stomach and fingers, kissing him everywhere he had cleaned. He savoured the salty taste of cum and sweat and the way Rhys’ skin was flushed. The marks he had left were still visible, but fading. Rhys growled softly with pleasure and hugged him, pulled him close. Duncan let himself fall into his arms, exhausted. It took them both a while to get their breath back, curled up against each other.

Duncan rolled on his side and looked down at Rhys. ‘So. What would you have done with me if I had come before you did?’

‘Oh no, I’m not telling you that.’ Rhys smiled, showing his tusks and canines in a rather predatory grin. ‘I could see your imagination doing overtime when you were trying to figure out if you should risk it. That was glorious.’

Duncan couldn’t argue with that and kept quiet. But he did decide to be not quite so obedient next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [Tyellas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyellas). All hail the Smut Fairy.


	8. Communication Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There was no recognition in Rhys' eyes. Instead, he drew back his arm to throw the bolt._  
> ...things go wrong on a run and Duncan and Rhys have to deal with the fallout.

‘Watch out!’ Duncan took aim at the security guard but was too slow to stop him from taking a shot at Rhys. Rhys jerked back, went down behind the crates he had been using as cover. He came back up immediately. Blood had splattered his neck and sleeve, Duncan noticed with frightening clarity. Rhys started slinging spells at the guard, not noticing or minding the injury. 

He was reckless, blind to the danger. Didn’t listen to to Duncan yelling at him to get down again. Didn’t take cover when more shots were fired. It was pure luck he didn’t get hit by the drones that came up behind the guards and opened fire at him. He had lost control, snarling with rage. The shimmering form of a grizzly bear appeared around him, up on its hind legs. It opened its mouth in a silent roar.

‘Get him out!’ Toon, their rigger, returned fire with her drones at the remaining guards and gave Duncan the chance to get to Rhys. Duncan vaulted over his cover. He crossed the distance between himself and Rhys in a few bounds, tackled Rhys and pulled him down. Rhys turned on him, a new powerbolt manifesting around his hand. The spirit bear took a swipe at Duncan with a massive paw. Magic prickled on Duncan's skin. He let go of Rhys and scrambled back. ‘Rhys, stop it! We need to get out of here now!’ 

There was no recognition in Rhys' eyes. Instead, he drew back his arm to throw the bolt. Magic flashed between his fingers in blinding arcs. Duncan rolled to get away. At this distance, it would cook him inside his armour. And without hurting Rhys, he had no defence. 'Rhys, no!' 

Instead of the lightning he expected, melted plastic and metal shards rained down on him. The wreckage of a drone only just missed him, crashing into the ground close enough that the impact vibrated through him. Rhys pulled him to his feet. The bear was gone and Rhys had himself under control again. 'Let's go.' 

Duncan threw his last flashbang in the direction of the guards. His training took over and kept him from shouting at Rhys. Toon’s drones covered their escape through the sewers and they made it to their van just before the police arrived.

There was no time to talk about what happened. Road blocks, police drones and normal traffic was more than enough to keep them occupied until they arrived at the agreed meeting place, a parking garage behind a mall. Rhys had used the time to heal his injury, a grazing hit on the jaw. They handed over the information they had been hired to retrieve to their Johnson and got paid. 

Toon nodded at them. ‘Until next time. Pleasure working with you.’ She didn’t seem bothered by Rhys’ behaviour, but then she had worked with him a lot. And she never wasted words, Duncan had learned that much about her over the course of the three runs they had done together. He watched Toon get into her van and drive off, then took a deep breath. 

‘What the fuck happened back there?’ Duncan knew that the time and place for this wasn’t well chosen, but he had been chewing on it the whole drive. He couldn’t wait for a better moment. He couldn’t look at Rhys, instead he leaned against the nearest pillar and studied the frayed edges of his gloves. He would need new ones soon.

‘What? Me getting hurt? I can take care of myself.’ Rhys sounded defensive, he was well aware how close he had come to simply getting shot in the head and to frying Duncan. He had known something was up, but unlike Duncan, Rhys was perfectly able to wait for the right moment. It drove Duncan crazy. 

‘No. I mean you losing it like that. I don't know if I can deal with this. It … scared me.’ Now Duncan looked up, forcing himself to admit it. He didn't even mind that Rhys almost attacked him, he could relate a lot more than he liked to that. But in his mind, he kept seeing Rhys getting killed.

‘I didn’t mean for that to happen.’ Rhys was silent for a second. ‘I am sorry. It has to do with Bear and my magic. It’s not something I can turn off or ignore. I can control it to a certain extent and believe me, it used to be worse. But like I said, I can take care of myself.’

‘You mean I have to worry about you going berserk like that every time you get hurt? You could have been killed!’ Duncan’s voice got louder as he lost control of his anger. It was even louder in the emptiness of the garage.

‘Every time I or someone close to me gets hurt, to be precise.’ Rhys tried to stay calm, but he found it just as hard as Duncan.

‘That’s stupid…’ Duncan saw the look on Rhys’ face and instantly regretted his words, but he couldn’t make them unsaid.

‘No, Duncan. It’s who I am.’ Rhys’ voice had gone very quiet. He turned away from Duncan and walked out, slamming the exit door into the wall. The crash echoed through the garage, masking his footsteps.

‘Fuck.’ Duncan was stunned for a moment, his anger making way for dread. He didn’t dare go after Rhys, didn’t dare face the cold stare Rhys had given him. He just stood there, paralysed by indecision.

Even two months earlier he would have walked away. He would have run from the confrontation, hoping it would go away on its own. Now he was grounded enough again that he didn’t. He couldn’t call Rhys, they had used burner commlinks for the run and had already ditched them. But he was fairly sure Rhys would go home and so he headed there, too.

\---------------------------------------

Duncan had fidgeted and worried and practised what to say the whole way to Rhys’ apartment. He felt nauseous by the time he unlocked the door, his heart racing. The apartment was empty, but he found Rhys on the balcony, looking out over the harbour. Rhys turned to him, arms crossed in a mixture of anger and defensiveness. Duncan stopped on the threshold, cleared his throat. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said...what I said. It’s just - it scared me to death, seeing you like that.’

Rhys dropped his arms to his side, relaxing a bit. ‘I’m sorry, too. I should have taken the time to properly explain this to you. I haven’t lost it like that in a long time, but it’s still something you should have known about. If I get hurt or if someone I care about gets hurt, it really gets under my skin. Sometimes I just attack blindly, fight whoever is a danger and I don’t care how dangerous it’s for me then. Magic has a price and this is the price I pay for Bear’s favour. I cannot promise you it won’t happen again.’

Duncan thought about it for a while. ‘Okay. I can’t say I like it and I really wish you had told me. But now that I’m prepared for it, I can live with it.’ He made a step towards Rhys, took his hand very carefully. ‘It’s not like I’m not constantly watching out for you anyway. But why didn't you tell me before?’

'Do you remember what you said about rabid animals not living long on the street? There's a reason why I'm not running with the big pros and it's not my lack of skill.' Rhys held on to Duncan's hand but didn't pull him closer. 'I didn't want to tell you right away because I was afraid I'd scare you off. You have enough to handle without worrying about me going berserk. I kind of hinted at it and I was relieved when you didn't ask. Not my proudest moment. And then we had been together for months, we had done runs together and I was promising myself that I would tell you. Soon. Any day now.'

Rhys reached for Duncan with his free hand. Duncan could see it shaking badly before he took it and he realised Rhys was just as upset as he was. He was just better at hiding it than Duncan. Rhys was silent for a moment and then looked up again. 'I fucked up. I'm sorry.'

Duncan pulled him close. 'We both could have handled that better.' He hugged Rhys, pushing his face against Rhys' neck. 'But you're not getting rid of me that easily.'

Rhys gave a shaky laugh. 'Good.' He leaned into Duncan, running his hands up Duncan's back and through his hair. They didn't speak for a while, both relieved that they had navigated this storm. 

‘Listen, you want to get something to eat? We could go to Temple Street?’ Duncan mumbled into Rhys’ shoulder, not wanting to give up the hug. Normally, he kept away from Kowloon, but right now he didn’t care.

‘Yeah, let’s. I want dumplings.’ Rhys didn't look up either, kept his face buried against Duncan.

But neither of them moved just yet. They stayed where they were, holding each other while the sun set over the harbour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you!


	9. Reach Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Are you sure we're still on the right path? Because there's a huge spider web right across the trail and I swear the spider is looking at me funny.' Duncan had stopped just in time to avoid walking into the net._
> 
> Rhys and Duncan go camping on the beach

'Are you sure we're still on the right path? Because there's a huge spider web right across the trail and I swear the spider is looking at me funny.' Duncan had stopped just in time to avoid walking into the net. 

Rhys looked up from where he was digging in his backpack for a water bottle. 'Yeah, I'm sure. Don't poke the wildlife.'

'Are you kidding, that thing would eat me.' Duncan leaned close, fascinated despite himself. He never had had much time for bugs except to squash any who got too close to him. But he enjoyed how excited Rhys got about them.

Rhys came up behind him and looked over his shoulder. 'It's a nephila. This is so cool. Don't worry, it's harmless.' The spider was big enough to easily span Duncan's palm with its legs. Its body was strikingly yellow, with a complicated pattern in red and black. The web itself shone like gold in the morning sun. 

After Rhys had made a quick sketch of the spider and taken some photos, they carefully ducked under the net and continued on their way. The forest was thick on both sides of the trail. From where they stood, the gloom between the trees hid everything but vague shapes. Sunlight dappled the trail, but in the forest, only very few rays reached the ground. Flies danced in those columns of light.

Duncan was a bit freaked out by all that nature. He had made some trips before, but that had been to the forests of the Pacific Northwest and this was another thing altogether. For one thing, there were birds calling in the treetops Duncan had heard only in nature documentaries, if at all. 

And there were insects _everywhere_. The forests he had seen until now definitely didn't have that. It was unsettling and slightly unreal, like he was walking through a very good simulation. But it was good to get out of the sprawl. Rhys had come up with the idea of a camping trip and Duncan had jumped at the chance to spend time with him away from everyone else. Even if it meant walking three hours with heavy backpacks down a sometimes barely recognisable trail. 

Duncan stopped in his tracks when the forest gave way to the beach. After a couple of hours of seeing only trees and no further than the next couple of meters, the sudden view of the sea and islands in the distant haze was breathtaking. They took some time to take in the sight and catch their breath after the hike until Rhys picked up his backpack again. ‘Let’s look for a good spot to make camp.’

They had the whole beach to choose from, there was no-one there but them. Finally, they decided on a spot high up on the beach, shadowed by some trees that had ventured out a bit further than the rest of the forest. The soil between the roots made it easy to anchor the tent and they had it up and standing after half an hour, with only minor bickering.

With a blanket spread out before the tent, they both flopped down. The day had heated up, but under the trees and with the breeze from the sea, their spot was still deliciously cool. For a couple of minutes, there was nothing to be heard than the waves, the rustling of the trees and a couple of sea birds in the distance. After the pollution of the sprawl, it all seemed impossibly quiet and clean. The air smelled of saltwater and Duncan could even spot Rhys’ smell carried to him. He closed his eyes and just breathed.

'You want to go swimming?' Rhys was clearly not content with just sitting there and watching the waves roll in.

'I ... actually can't.' Duncan thought about lying, but Rhys would notice anyway sooner or later.

'What? Why?' Rhys was instantly worried and not getting what Duncan was saying.

'I can't swim. I just never learned.' 

'Oh shit, I'm sorry! I never thought about that, I should have asked!' Rhys blushed. It was the cutest thing Duncan had ever seen.

'No, don't worry about it. It just wasn't a thing that came up when I was a kid and later...', Duncan shrugged, 'I never got around to it. It didn't seem important.'

Rhys scooted closer to Duncan, took his hand. 'Tell me if we should talk about something else, but how old were you when you started living on the streets?'

Duncan frowned: 'I'm not sure? Six or seven? My big sister took care of me for a time, but one day she just didn't come back. I had to make it on my own. I ran with some other kids and we took care of each other. Some had run away from foster families and told stories. Believe me, none of us wanted to get picked up by social services. Even if someone had cared. I met Echo there and we kind of took over. It was okay. Good enough to keep us alive until Raymond.' 

Rhys could spot the exact moment Duncan was done remembering and shut down. Family was still a very raw nerve. But Duncan was relaxed enough to shake it off. He squeezed Rhys' hand and gave him a smile to let him know that things were okay. 'How about you?'

'Very different', Rhys leaned a bit against Duncan. 'My parents were very late hippies. They moved to the Welsh countryside to raise us. It was ridiculously idyllic: a small village full of people with wild ideas about self-sufficiency and building a new kind of society. Rolling green hills, a big forest, people growing their own food. We kids ran wild - but only until dinner.' He reached into the tent for a small cushion and made himself comfortable draped across Duncan's lap.

'It wasn't just humans, too. My parents freaked out a bit when I goblinised, they didn't expect that. But the other orks in the community helped them handle it. And just when they thought everything was okay, I conjured up a bear cub when a couple of boys from the next village over were kicking my ass.' Rhys laughed.

'My parents were more worried that I would get taken away by some corporation than about anything else. But corporations are not big on shamans.' He tilted his head back to look up at Duncan. 'They still live there. If you want to, we can visit them some time.'

Duncan didn't answer right away. He knew Rhys wasn't talking about next week or even next month, but it still reminded Duncan that he wasn't free to go where he pleased. In fact, he had had to ask permission from Wei for this trip already and Wei had made him grovel. They were strictly speaking still within city limits, but Duncan hadn't wanted any misunderstandings. So he had asked nicely and had said please and thank you, but the bitter taste of the words was still in his mouth.

He hadn't told Rhys about this. It was bad enough he was still working for Wei - he wasn't even close to having enough money to pay off his debt. He didn't particularly want to talk about it, he wanted to keep his time with Rhys separate as much as possible.

He had gotten himself under control again over the last months and didn't revel in the violence as much as he used to. This made things better and worse at the same time. He knew he would never stop enjoying it when he got to hurt people. And the only solution he had found was caging himself. Making sure he didn't get into a situation where he was allowed to hurt others without anything holding him back. 

Trying to make plans, right now, just made it very clear that he was still in a bad place. The cage was wide open and his only leash his frayed self-control. He'd rather not think about it, definitely not right now.

Rhys nudged him gently, reaching up to touch his face. 'Hey, are you still with me?'

'Sorry, I zoned out there for a second.' Duncan slipped a hand under Rhys' shirt to caress his belly. 'I'm glad to hear I'm meet the parents-material. And I'd like to meet them. I guess they know you're gay?'

Rhys squirmed a bit until Duncan was petting the exact right spot. 'Yeah. They know and they're fine with it. They better be. Mum's not exactly what you'd call straight either.'

'I had a huge fight with with Raymond when I brought home my first boyfriend.' So much for keeping things light. But Duncan had never told anyone about this, except Echo who had heard it all anyway when it happened. And telling it to Rhys felt right, in this moment. 

'It was about me breaking his rule that we don't date until we had graduated. I was expecting that and he had treated David perfectly alright, didn't take it out on him. I was so damn glad about that. But then, after the fight and after making a sort of peace, he told me that me being with another guy was just a phase. Another way for me to rebel against him. I'd get over it. '

'He absolutely refused to talk about it after that. Until I brought home my first girlfriend. Then he took the time to mention how glad he was that I had come to my senses. And he meant every word, he didn't even realise how much it hurt. I loved Raymond, but...fuck.' Duncan's voice broke.

Rhys sat up and hugged him, a little awkwardly. 'But you can still be angry at him, that was a terrible thing to say. You don't have to decide between love and anger, you know that, don't you?'

Duncan nodded. His first impulse had been to pull away and lie that everything was fine. He had thought better of it and let himself be comforted by the hug. 

He almost fell over when Rhys jumped up with a sound best described as a squeal. A few seconds of confused scrambling had them both standing over a crab. The crab raised both claws at them, clearly ready for a fight. It waved its eyestalks, trying to keep both of them in sight. Rhys burst out laughing: 'It tried to climb my leg... Shit, I almost had a heart attack.'

Duncan grinned. 'Let me rescue you.' He knew better than to try and grab the crab, instead he used the pillow to gently shoo it off their blanket. Rhys watched him, still laughing at the sight of the crab trying to pick a fight with Duncan until it scuttled off into the undergrowth. 

He could get used to this, Duncan thought. A little less life and death, more living in the moment. And this particular moment involved catching Rhys who pretended to swoon into his arms. 'My hero...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you
> 
> Shoutout to [Circuit Breaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/circuit_breaker/pseuds/circuit_breaker) who pretty much prompted this chapter!


	10. Journeyman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rhys finally had Duncan where he wanted him: stretched out with Rhys straddling him, wrists held securely over his head. 'You're getting cocky. I like that. You, on the other hand, might regret it.'_  
>  Sex on the beach!

Curled up against each other, Duncan and Rhys watched the clouds over the sea turn first pink and then bright red. They had opened both sides of the tent, with the dark forest behind them and the sea shimmering in the last of the sunlight in front. Mosquito nets kept the bugs out but not the breeze coming in from the sea.

When the sky had turned a dark blue and the last sunlight was gone, Rhys turned in Duncan's arms. He pushed Duncan over onto his back, one knee between Duncan's legs, and grabbed his wrists. 

Duncan wasn't about to make this easy. 'Did you think I'd just fall into your arms when you show me a romantic sunset?'  
He struggled as Rhys tried to hold him down. Not too much, just enough that Rhys had to make a real effort. Enough to give Duncan the feeling of being overpowered. 

Rhys finally had Duncan where he wanted him: stretched out with Rhys straddling him, wrists held securely over his head. 'You're getting cocky. I like that. You, on the other hand, might regret it.'

Duncan grinned and raised his hips, grinding against Rhys. 'What, you gonna cuff me to the tentpoles?'

Rhys shivered and couldn't help answering the pressure with a hip roll of his own before he pushed himself up out of reach. He leaned heavily on Duncan's wrists. 'No. You would _love_ that and that's why you're not getting it. Yet.'

Duncan had been joking. At least he had thought so. But now that Rhys had said it, he realised that he would enjoy being helpless for real. No certainty that he could fight Rhys off if he chose to. Having to take whatever Rhys wanted to do to him. Yes, there was the safeword, but he'd still give himself over...

A sharp flick to his nipple interrupted his fantasy. 'I can see you got my point. If you want it, you have to earn it. Now, keep still.'  
Rhys let go of Duncan's wrists and sat up. He palmed Duncan's cock, giving it a gentle squeeze that left Duncan aching for more. 'Close your eyes.'

Duncan did as he was told. He became instantly aware of the fact that everyone walking by could easily see them. They hadn't met any other person all day, but that didn't reassure him. 

Rhys started to undress him, slowly. With every new uncovered area, Rhys spend some time kissing the skin, running his fingers over it. Duncan was hyper aware of every touch. Of the warm air on his skin, the soft blanket under him. The rustle of the tent and the leaves in the breeze. He couldn't keep track of Rhys, though. Even this close, Rhys moved almost noiselessly and Duncan wondered if he was using magic to do it. The murmur of the waves and the chorus of birds and insects masked Rhys' movement, but this much?

Duncan flinched, hard, when a drop of ice cold water hit his stomach. Rhys' fingers were just as cold where they touched his neck. 'You're getting a bit too excited. You need to calm down.'

Duncan sensed Rhys leaning over him, smelled him. Rhys' hand on his jaw tilted his head up, into a hungry kiss. In the same moment, what felt like an ice cube dropped on his stomach and slid very slowly towards his cock. Duncan made a strangled noise. He had to fight to keep still, keep his eyes closed. They hadn't brought ice, he knew that for a fact. He wanted to know what Rhys was doing, but he didn't dare look.

Rhys caught the ice just in time, held it in place on Duncan's hip. The cold burned on Duncan's skin and he gave another helpless moan. He could feel Rhys smile into their kiss. Duncan grabbed a piece of blanket and held onto it to keep himself from touching Rhys. He had been taught he wasn't allowed to without permission.

Just when he couldn't stand it any longer, the ice wandered up, leaving a trail of cold droplets. Rhys' ponytail brushed against Duncan's neck and shoulders as Rhys sat up again, almost disappearing from Duncan's senses. The skin touched by the hairs tingled. It distracted him from the cold until Rhys pressed the ice to Duncan's nipple and held it there. Duncan gasped for breath and whimpered when Rhys flicked a finger against the other nipple. He heard a low hum of pleasure. Rhys obviously enjoyed seeing Duncan's composure fall apart.

For a second Duncan got a reprieve when the ice was taken away. But Rhys had only switched hands. With the ice cirling the nipple he had just flicked, Rhys leaned over Duncan to suck on the other one. His tongue was hot against it, painfully so.

Duncan arched his back. He couldn't catch his breath. It was all too much. He felt exposed and vulnerable. Naked, on his back, out in the open. Every noise was too loud. The waves, the crickets, the rustling of the tent, his own laboured breathing. Everything except Rhys. Rhys was a void he couldn't track. His skin felt too small, numb except where Rhys had touched him. There, it burned. 

Duncan broke. 'Redwood', he almost choked on the safeword. He turned away from Rhys and curled up on himself.

'Fuck!' There was an edge to Rhys' voice that made Duncan curl up tighter. Duncan knew he had fucked this up for them and right now, he wanted to be anywhere but here.

It got darker in the tent as Rhys closed both entrances. He dragged a blanket over Duncan and lay down behind him, taking care not to touch his bare skin with cold hands. 'What's wrong? Did I hurt you?'

The edge in Rhys' voice was fear and worry, Duncan realised. He turned over to hug Rhys, hid his face against Rhys' chest. 'No, I'm okay. It was just...too much. I'm sorry.' Duncan's voice was muffled by the blanket. He was shivering.

'Don't be. It's okay. And I'm glad you used the safeword.' Rhys pulled Duncan even closer and held him until the shivering stopped.

After a while, Duncan pushed the blanket off. It was still too warm for it and he felt better now, no longer like all his senses were overloaded. 'I think I'm better at doing this behind closed doors.' He propped himself up on his elbow and cupped Rhys' jaw in his hand. Under his fingers, Rhys' pulse beat steadily.

Rhys rolled over on his back. 'Do you want to try again when we're home? Because I would love to have you blindfolded and cuffed to the bed. But I get why this might not be your thing for real.'

'You know fucking well I want to try again.' Duncan wound Rhys' ponytail around his hand, enjoying the feeling of the strands slipping through his fingers. 'Here, we're just too much out in the open, I feel too ... exposed.' He was embarrassed by his reaction. But Rhys' presence kept the anger and anxiety at bay that normally followed embarrassment for Duncan.

He gently pulled off the tie that held Rhys' ponytail together so he could bury his hand in it. Rhys gave a content sigh: 'Keep doing that. Harder, if you want to.'

Duncan blinked, surprised. But he quickly found out that if he grabbed a full hand of hair and pulled, in between head scritches, Rhys remained happily blissed out. He even rolled over again on his stomach, his face buried in his arms, so Duncan could reach better.

The last daylight was gone from the sky, but moonlight filtering in through the tent was easily enough for Duncan to see by. He enjoyed seeing Rhys like this, soft and relaxed, his hair spread out over his back, the lines of his tattoos stark against his light skin. Rhys sometimes complained that all his skintone got him was a major sunburn after five seconds in the sun, but Duncan loved the contrast between it and his own darker skin. 

Duncan sat up and ran a hand down Rhys' spine. 'Please stop looking so damn beautiful...' He blushed, he hadn't wanted to use that particular word.But he meant it. 

Rhys just laughed and stretched out some more, letting Duncan see and feel how his muscles moved. '...hmmm, no, sorry. Can't do it.'

Duncan gently spread Rhys' legs with his knee. He ran all ten fingers over Rhys' back, pushed Rhys' hair over one shoulder so he could kiss the other one. He kissed the crook of Rhys' neck and sucked until Rhys made a small noise of pain.

'Do it again, that felt good.' Rhys offered his neck to Duncan, chin raised, and Duncan left a trail of what would surely become bruises down to the shoulder. He finished with a less than gentle bite, pulling back so Rhys had to follow him. Rhys ended up propped on his elbows, his back arched in an uncomfortable curve. It must have been painful, but Rhys held the position, his muscles trembling, until Duncan let go. His tusks has left deep red marks on Rhys' skin.

With Rhys again spread out under him, Duncan had to take a moment to breathe. His cock was pressed hard against Rhys' ass, but what really got to him was not being told what to do. He very much enjoyed submitting to Rhys and so this was the first time he had taken the initiative. He was a bit lost.

This was much harder than Rhys made it look. It wasn't that Duncan couldn't order people around in bed, but that was _different_. That was with virtual strangers. Right here and now, he was tongue-tied. He also had no idea where they had put the lube. He knew they had brought some but this was not the time to rummage through backpacks.

This was not going well.

Rhys remained blissfully unaware of this, Duncan hoped. He had pulled down Rhys' underpants and the hesitation could be taken as admiring the view. 

_Do something!_ He decided he was better off not giving Rhys any orders. Instead, he knelt next to Rhys and turned him on his side. Rhys gave a content hum and reached up to pull Duncan into a kiss.

Duncan let his hand wander down Rhys' chest and belly. He heard Rhys take a sharp breath when he cupped Rhys' balls, closed his fingers around Rhys' cock. The tip was wet already and Duncan rubbed a thumb over it, enjoying the softness of the skin under his fingertips. 

Rhys gave a loud moan and rolled his hips, pushing his cock into Duncan's fist. 'I want you to fuck me.'

Duncan still hadn't spotted the lube, but Rhys pointed him in the right direction without being asked. He probably had noticed Duncan's moment of panic after all. But Duncan was too excited to care. He grabbed the lube and used it to slick his fingers. He took some more time stroking Rhys cock because he couldn't get enough of feeling it in his hand, thick and hard. 

Rhys was shuddering, rutting into Duncan's fist. 'Fuck me. Please...'

Duncan hadn't meant to make Rhys beg, but he liked what he was hearing. He decided not to push his luck though and settled behind Rhys. Using some more lube, he traced Rhys' entrance and then pushed in with a finger. 

Rhys moaned and moved a bit to make it easier for Duncan. 'May I touch myself?'

_What?!_ Duncan had to clear his throat before he could answer. 'No. Not yet.' He pushed a second finger into Rhys, fucking him. Duncan watched Rhys squirm and grab a pillow to have something to hold onto. 

Rhys was hot and tight around Duncan's fingers. The thought of how he'd feel around Duncan's cock was tantalising but Duncan held out for a bit longer. Long enough to grab Rhys' hair with his free hand and force him up into a kiss while he picked up the pace of the fingerfucking. 

It was easy for Duncan to manhandle Rhys even when he was being careful not to be too rough. He hadn't realised just how easy it would be and it made him shiver with excitement. Rhys trembled with the strain of being held in a very uncomfortable position, his head pulled back as far as it could go. Any protests he might have had were silenced by Duncan's tongue in his mouth. 

Duncan let go and pulled his fingers out of Rhys at the same time, letting him collapse on the ground. He didn't give Rhys time to get his breath back. Instead, he pushed his lubed up cock into Rhys in one slow, deliberate movement. It felt as good as he had imagined, Rhys' muscles tightening around him with the shock of penetration. Duncan allowed him a short moment to get used to it before he started fucking him. He could already tell he wouldn't be able to keep this up for long.

'May I touch myself, please?' Rhys' voice was shaky,

Duncan stopped, his cock buried deep in Rhys, and propped himself up so he could watch. 'Yes.' His voice was no less shaky.

Rhys began stroking himself, rolling his hips so he rocked himself between Duncan's cock and his own hand. The sight and feeling of Rhys using him like that was almost enough to finish Duncan. He fucked into Rhys' pushes, fingers digging deep into Rhys' hip.

Neither Duncan nor Rhys lasted much longer. Duncan came first, his rhythm failing, his thrusts becoming erratic. He felt the orgasm built up at the base of his spine before it rushed over him like a wave. His lasts thrusts were brutal, as hard as he could, gripping Rhys hard enough to leave bruises. He collapsed over him with a choked scream.

Rhys was pushed into his own orgasm by Duncan's. Shuddering and moaning, he fucked himself on Duncan, his muscles squeezing Duncan's cock as he came. The feeling was so intense it hurt, but Duncan didn't care. He found the energy for a couple of more thrusts just to make Rhys flinch and whimper.

Afterwards, they lay with their limbs tangled and held each other. Rhys nestled into Duncan. 'We should do that more often.'

'What, camping?' Duncan knew exactly what Rhys meant, but he wanted to hear him say it.

'Yes. It's nice to get out of the city.' Rhys turned on his back in Duncan's arms and closed his eyes with a content sigh. 

Duncan was still wondering if Rhys was messing with him and if he should just say it himself when Rhys continued, without opening his eyes: 'But what I actually meant was: you're good at this. I should let you fuck me more often.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [Tyellas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyellas), all hail the Smut Fairy.
> 
> This is for [Amos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostdefinitelydying/pseuds/almostdefinitelydying), you know why.


	11. When Two Worlds Collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rhys was hunting for a certain street vendor whose dumplings he liked and Duncan was perfectly content just trailing after him. They had taken to coming here quite often, despite Duncan’s doubts about returning to his old haunts._
> 
> A visit to a night market has unforeseen consequences.

The night market was crowded and for a while they just went where the stream of people took them. Rhys was hunting for a certain street vendor whose dumplings he liked and Duncan was perfectly content trailing after him. They had taken to coming here quite often, despite Duncan’s doubts about returning to his old haunts.

After a run where every step was a risk, it felt good to wander, taking in the sights and the smell of food sold everywhere, among cheap clothes, jewellery and brightly coloured knickknack. Sellers and buyers alike had to raise their voices to make themselves understood over the music that spilled from various shops. Tourists were wandering, wide-eyed, between the locals.

A troll parted the crowd and Rhys stepped into his wake, weaving between people who scarcely seemed to notice him. Duncan relied much more on his bulk and swagger to get people out of the way. That left his attention free to scan their surroundings for hidden weapons (quite a few) and suspicious activity (a lot, but nothing aimed at them). It came naturally to him after years of training and he was good at it, but he envied the people whose job didn’t require this sort of constant watchfulness. It would have been nice to just relax.

Rhys stopped in front of a stall and started ordering in accented but fluent Cantonese. Duncan claimed a table and helped Rhys put down the various containers and plates he arrived with. The smell of hot, greasy food made his mouth water.

‘What, did you buy the whole shop?’ Duncan speared a dumpling and managed to burn his mouth at first try with the hot filling. Prawns and spicy ginger. The next one he chewed more carefully: chicken, soft in the crunchy fried dumpling wrapping, with a bite of onions.

‘Didn’t feel like deciding, so I got everything.’ Rhys shrugged and handed him a beer. ‘Do you like sea urchin? It looks a bit gross, but I promise it’s good.’

The bright yellow … things inside the cracked open urchin looked a lot like severed tongues. Duncan eyed them suspiciously while he scarfed down more dumplings. ‘Can’t say I have tried that before. What are those?’

Rhys picked one of the tongues up with chopsticks and popped it in his mouth. ‘Don’t ask. Just eat it.’

‘Okay…’, with a shrug, Duncan followed Rhys’ example and was rewarded with a wet and squishy mouthful that tasted slightly of brine and butter, melting away on his tongue. He ate another one, trying to decide if he liked it or not. 

Rhys watched him, chewing on some fried vegetables: ‘It’s their gonads.’

‘But of course it is. Is there a reason why you’re feeding me sea urchin genitals?’ Duncan didn’t stop eating, he had decided that he enjoyed the taste. 

‘No’, Rhys had to hurry to get some of it before it was all gone, only the spiky shells left. ‘I just like it. It is supposed to be an aphrodisiac, though.’

‘Mhm. You absolutely did not think about that when ordering, I’m sure.’ Duncan took a swig from his beer and almost choked on it when he saw Gobbet a couple of stalls over, shoving a huge pastry into her mouth. ‘Fuck, no…’ He grabbed Rhys’ hand: ‘Don’t ask questions, we need to go right now!’ 

Gobbet had seen him, her eyes bulging almost as much as her pastry-stuffed cheeks. She was trying to swallow the absurd amount of too-dry dough, but it was too big for her to get enough air to be able to shout let alone run.

Duncan, with Rhys in tow, made a quick getaway into an alley, squeezing between garbage containers and dirty walls. They came out onto a bigger street and Duncan looked around frantically. A couple of rats came scampering down the alley behind them and he cursed. 

Rhys was confused, but just went along with him, watching his back. The air became viscous for a moment around them when he conjured a spirit, keeping it invisible for the time being. He probably thought that someone was trying to kill them, Duncan realised, but he didn’t take the time to explain just yet. Instead, he started walking, fast. ‘Get on that bus, we need to get out of here.’ 

They ducked into the crowd squeezing into the bus just in time for Duncan to see Gobbet in the alley, running after her rats. But she was too late to catch them. The last Duncan saw of her was her kicking a can across the street in frustration. He was nauseous. Part of him wanted to go back, find Gobbet and hug her. He missed her, he realised, he missed everyone. It had felt good to be a part of that team, that small family, dysfunctional as it was. He even missed Echo. But he had made his choice and he wouldn’t go back. 

Rhys leaned close to him: ‘Want to tell me what’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’ He himself didn’t look too good, pale and wide-eyed with fear, ready to run or fight. 

‘It’s … nothing, really. I made a mistake.’ Duncan was painfully aware how much he had overreacted. ‘We’re safe.’

‘Duncan, you are such a fucking bad liar. It’s _nothing_? That’s what you’re going with?’ Rhys had gone from scared to angry in one second and had to fight to keep his voice low. ‘Here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going somewhere we can talk without a bus full of people listening and then you’re going to tell me what really happened.’ 

“Let’s get out of Kowloon first, ok?’ The feeling that he had fucked up sat in Duncan’s stomach, churning and restless. He wanted badly to try and put it right, but instead he followed Rhys off the bus and onto the subway that would take them across the bay. 

They ended up in a park, on a bench overlooking a pond. A couple of insomniac ducks came to check if they had any food, but were disappointed. Rhys breathed in, held his breath for a moment, let it out again. ‘Ok, so what the fuck was that?’ The train ride had given him time to come down from the adrenaline surge and he sounded calm, but Duncan knew him well enough by now to realise that he was still pissed.

‘I’m sorry. I … panicked.’ Duncan was still not over his panic, but right now it was about Rhys just walking out on him. ‘I saw someone from my old team. I had no idea they were back in Hong Kong. It just surprised me badly. I really don’t want to meet any of them. I didn’t want to scare you…’

Rhys looked at him blankly for a couple of terrifying seconds and then he snorted. ‘Spirits, you really know how to handle social situations.’ He was laughing too hard to say more for a while, but he also leaned against Duncan who took that as a good sign even though the air raid sirens of his anxiety hadn’t shut down yet. Maybe it was funny, he supposed, but he was too embarrassed to share Rhys’ laughter.

Finally, Rhys had calmed down again. ‘I’m sorry for laughing at this. It’s clearly not a joke to you. But it could be right out of a sitcom.’ Pulling one leg up under him, he turned on the bench so he could face Duncan. ‘Please, try and just talk to me next time. I almost had my bear attack that woman, for spirits' sake. I love you, but please don’t do that to me again.’

Duncan had no words for a moment. There was too much he wanted to say and explain. But Rhys had also said that he loved him and that instantly overrode everything else. ‘I won’t. At least I’ll try, I’m not good at handling stuff like that. I...love you, too.’ His heart was racing. He had said these words to exactly one person in his life before and it hadn’t ended well. But it did feel good to say it.

Rhys pulled him close to kiss him and they both forgot everything for a little while except each other. When Rhys leaned back again, a bit out of breath, he looked at Duncan in the unfocused way that meant he wasn’t using his eyes to do it but the sense his magic gave him. ‘You miss them. Are you sure you don’t want to at least talk to them?’

Duncan took a sharp breath, almost snapped at Rhys for even suggesting this and he caught himself just in time. ‘Yeah, I’m sure. There’s nothing to say.’ At times, he hated how easily Rhys could read him, even without looking at his aura. He wasn’t used to that much intimacy. It also meant that Rhys would give voice to things Duncan would have rather kept quiet. But he had slowly grown used to it over the last months and even enjoyed not having to put everything into words. Even though it made it that much harder to get away with a lie, like now. 

Rhys knew when not to push things, however, and didn’t insist. ‘Ok. Just know that I have your back, whatever you decide. No need to run the shadows alone, remember?’

‘Yeah, I know. I won’t shut you out - don’t think I can any more.’ Duncan shivered a bit, the air had grown cool once the sun had set and the breeze coming from the water carried a chill. He stood and Rhys let himself be pulled up from the bench into his arms and another kiss. ‘Let’s go home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) who's also prompted this chapter by suggesting a visit to a night market. I'm still not over all the delicious food in the videos I watched as research...


	12. Fear of the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Duncan supposed it hurt when they pulled his arms on his back to cuff him, but he couldn’t feel anything. Not the pain, not the ground under him, not the rain soaking his clothes._
> 
>  
> 
> Duncan gets into trouble...  
> Warning for mild gore in this chapter.

The alley leading to his place was deserted when Duncan stepped into it. A few rats were digging in the garbage, the only sign of life. He froze, all his instincts screaming at him. His neighbours avoided him, but no-one on the street? Even in this rain, people took much of their lives outside to escape their cramped and crowded homes. 

Something was very wrong. 

A sharp pain in his neck made him flinch and he slapped at it. A tranquiliser dart clattered to the ground, the needle bloody. Moving by muscle memory and instinct alone, he drew his gun and made a sprint for cover, a dumpster pushed halfway into the alley. 

Rats scattered, frightened by the sudden noise, as he crashed heavily into the wall behind the dumpster. His whole body was numb, his legs went out from under him. After a brief struggle to stay upright, he slid to the ground, clutching at the dumpster to break his fall. The gun dropped from his hands. With a curse, he tried to pick it up again. Tried to get a look at his attacker at the same time. 

He couldn't move. 

His body was an alien thing he couldn’t control, too heavy, too inert. His hands were impossibly far away. There were no sounds but his own breathing and his heartbeat, loud and fast. His pulse kicked in his stomach. A person, a human wearing goggles, stepped into view. They pointed a gun at him, the barrel steady. Duncan made a last effort to fight, to get up. The only thing he managed was a snarl. His gun was kicked away. His vision was tunneling. He didn’t even see the second person until they were right next to him. They grabbed him and pushed him to the ground, hard. 

Duncan supposed it hurt when they pulled his arms on his back to cuff him, but he couldn’t feel anything. Not the pain, not the ground under him, not the rain soaking his clothes. He was aware of it, but it happened to his body, not to him. People were talking, but he couldn’t parse the language. His vision narrowed even more, everything fading to black. For a time, he was still conscious in the dark and the silence, his thoughts scrabbling like mice, panicked and aimless. Then even that stopped.

The first thing he became aware of again was movement, a gentle swaying. He tried to move, to open his eyes, and found that he couldn’t. He did feel his body breathing, fast and shallow. Duncan concentrated on it, trying not to panic. He was terrified that it would stop between one breath and the next, leaving him to suffocate in the dark. 

There was no way for him to know how long he remained trapped like this, but eventually a cold green light was there. He couldn’t have said how long he had been looking at it already. It took an enormous effort to focus. A glow stick was lying next to him. He was on his stomach, the stick an arm's length away, Outside the small circle of light, everything was still dark. 

Footsteps were coming closer, echoing on metal. He desperately tried to move, to turn over on his back so he could see. His body was still useless. Dead weight, like it wasn’t even his. The steps came up behind him, stopped. Two voices spoke, in a language he couldn’t understand. A hand touched him, running fingers over his arm, his neck and into his hair. Duncan gasped in shock. He wanted nothing more than to get away from the touch but the best he could manage was a full body flinch. 

The voices fell silent and the hand drew back. Duncan waited, his heart racing. He was being watched, he was sure of it. His skin crawled where the fingers had touched him, the only part of his body that wasn’t a mile away. 

‘Please…’, he didn’t know if he had whispered it or imagined that he did, but whoever was standing over him didn’t react. They touched him again, hands wandering over his body. There was nothing he could do about it. Every breath was a conscious effort, his own weight suffocating him. He didn’t have any more energy to waste on begging.

At some point, he must have passed out and now woke with a start. He found that he could move, pulled his legs under him in a crouch. The sudden movement made him grey out and he waited until it had passed. Then he stood up slowly, holding onto the wall. He was chained to the wall, a handcuff around his right wrist, and he had been stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers. There was a pile of water containers, another of field rations, a mattress with some emergency blankets, a camping toilet and a bag of unused glow sticks. The first one had almost gone dark and he grabbed one from the bag and activated it.

There wasn’t much more to see. He was in a shipping container and a couple of wobbly steps brought him to the end of his chain. He could reach the opposite wall, but neither of the ends. 

‘Fuck.’ His voice was hoarse and he sat down again on the mattress to drink some of the water. A quick count of water and food told him that whoever held him prisoner had planned for a pretty long time, there was easily enough for two or three weeks there. A band aid in the crook of his left arm covered a puncture wound, maybe from a IV line. They had had to keep him unconscious for some time.

Duncan took the time to drink some more and to eat something.The swaying motion hadn’t stopped and the metal carried the sound of waves to him. A ship then, at sea. The thought of being chained inside a container on a ship on open water was a nightmare. He had to get out of the cuff.

He did not allow himself to think about Rhys, whether he was safe. There was nothing he could do about it and he would drive himself crazy if he thought about it. But the worry stayed, gnawing at his mind, only barely outmatched by the need to free himself. He got to work on the cuff, almost glad to have this to occupy his mind.

A couple of hours later he had to admit that he wasn’t solving this problem in a hurry. There was no chain for him to snap, but a solid metal bar connecting the two cuffs. He had failed at picking the lock, his only tool a piece of plastic he had broken off of the lid of the camping toilet. He had even tried mixing the liquid from the toilet with the contents of one of the glow sticks and it had gotten him nowhere. The chain was securely welded to one of the container struts and had withstood all attempts to break it or pull it off. His wrist was scraped raw, swollen from trying to slip out of the cuff. 

Duncan hit the wall with his free hand and cursed in frustration. There was one thing left he had hoped he wouldn’t have to try: dislocating his thumb. He hadn’t ever seen it done in his time as a cop or runner and he wasn’t sure it would work. But he was desperate enough to try. Fear was clawing its way out of the pit he had buried it in. He had to get out before it tore him apart.

He didn't give himself time to think about it. With his hand flat on the floor, he knelt on it to keep it in place. Then he grabbed his thumb, took a deep shuddering breath and _pulled_.

Things stretched and tore apart inside, scraping against each other in a way that was definitely not intended. He let go with a scream, cradling the hand to his chest. The pain was bad enough to make him retch, bile rising in his throat. It took some time until he was ready to see if it actually worked. 

Duncan was used to seeing himself hurt and much worse than this. He had had broken bones, gotten stabbed and he had been shot multiple times. Almost always, he had managed to just get on with what he was doing until the job was done. Anything else would have meant dying. A dislocated thumb should have been nothing in comparison. Despite this, he felt faint when he looked at his hand. The first bruises were already forming where the joint bulged out, skin stretched thin over it.

Gritting his teeth, he pushed his thumb to his palm as far as it would go. It moved further than it had before, but he could already see that it wouldn’t be enough. What he thought were tendons stretched and threatened to snap. He still pulled the cuff up, kept pulling until the pain almost made him black out. The cuff stayed where it was.

He stopped trying and sat against the wall of the container. The pain in his hand subsided into a dull, hot throbbing. Blood had started to seep from the cuts and scrapes on his wrist. That pain was sharp every time he moved and the chain pulled on the cuff. He leaned his head back against the cold metal. Now that he had nothing to occupy his mind, he could feel his composure slipping. He tried to calm his mind, to keep the fear and rage at bay, but they tore into him like rabid dogs.

Duncan screamed, the howl of a trapped animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to all the people I asked whether they could find a way to get out of handcuffs with the materials provided here. Also, shoutout to the doctor who talked to me about dislocating your own thumb. All inaccuracies are mine alone.
> 
> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi)


	13. All In Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You know how fucked up your life is but you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself to get off your ass and solve the problem. Instead you latched onto the first person who felt just as sorry for you and hoped it would work out._  
>  Duncan does not deal well with having only himself to talk to...

Duncan was in bad shape. He had curled up under every single blanket, but he was still shivering. At the same time, he was covered in sweat. He realised that this was mostly the withdrawal from his anxiety meds, but knowing this wasn't much help.

He had no way of telling how long he had been locked up here. If one glow stick lasted for twelve hours, then at least three days. He had grown enough stubble to support this, itching like mad. But it was hard to tell just from touch. He had also woken up in the dark more than once and he didn't know how long the glow stick had been dark by then.

The glow stick slid a short way across the floor as the ship hit a big wave. It wasn't yet bad enough to move the water containers or the mattress with Duncan on it, but it was getting there. Just what he needed. Nightmares of drowning, chained up like an animal when the ship went down in a typhoon.

He had spend hours trying to free himself. It had been more for something to do than with any great hope that he could manage it. His wrist had swollen so much that the handcuff was cutting into it, tearing at the already raw flesh. His captors had thrown him a bag with some bandages and painkillers, the container door opened and shut in a matter of seconds. He had been sleeping and hadn't woken up quickly enough to try and talk to them. At least it told him that he was being watched, although he hadn't been able to spot a camera.

The painkillers had knocked him out completely and he hadn't taken any more. The thought of being sedated and not able to fight when they came for him had kept him from it. Not that he would be able to put up much of a fight. If they wanted to shoot him, he was dead. They could just drop the container overboard, when it came to that. No need to waste a bullet.

He had tried to pop the thumb back into the joint exactly once. The pain he could have managed, but he had felt things stretch and threaten to break and tear even more. After that, he had done his best to immobilise the thumb with some of the bandages. It didn't hurt as much this way, which wasn't saying a lot.

By far the worst thing was that he had absolutely nothing to do but think. He spent much of his time pacing as far as the chain allowed and worrying. Most of all he worried about Rhys. Maybe he was being held hostage to get at Rhys. Maybe it was something else and they had hurt Rhys to force him to tell them where to find Duncan. Maybe Rhys had been killed afterwards. 

Duncan had seen people shot and killed often enough to be able to imagine it quite clearly, had shot and even killed enough people himself. Rhys bound to a chair, his face a beaten, bloody mass. Rhys on his knees, a gun to the back of his head. Rhys begging for his life. The deafening shot, blood spattering everywhere. The thump of Rhys' body falling to the floor. The pool of dark blood spreading around it.

_Just like Carter. Because of you._

No.

_She followed you and now she’s dead. You should have known better than to drag anyone else into this._

Fuck off. I didn’t…

_Sure you did. You know how fucked up your life is but you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself to get off your ass and solve the problem. Instead you latched onto the first person who felt just as sorry for you and hoped it would work out._

This isn't how it was. And Rhys doesn't feel sorry for me.

_You're a project for him. Like getting a dog from the shelter just before it gets put down. Shame the dog is so much work. You know he can do so much better than you._

Duncan had no answer to that. He just curled up tighter under the blankets.

_He sold you out, don't you think? Who else knows who you actually are? You told him about Echo. He got tired of you and he saw a way to get rid of you and make some money while he was at it._

Duncan punched the wall with his injured hand as hard as he could. He clenched his teeth to keep from screaming. 

'Shut up.' His voice rose barely above a whisper, raw with pain and exhaustion. For now, his inner voice obeyed, but he knew that it would not stay quiet for long. He was tearing himself apart, worrying and imagining in detail every single horrible thought his brain came up with. It was convincing and persistent. It undermined the carefully constructed walls that held him together. He was coming to pieces.

He needed a break, at least some sleep. Nightmares be damned. Helplessness be damned. He threw off the blankets and hunted for the painkillers, shaking all over. The ship was rolling badly enough by now that he had to work to keep his balance. He dry swallowed two of the pills and crawled back under the blankets. Then he waited for the drugs to drown out the voice in his head that had started up again. 

_When the ship goes down, you won't wake up in time._

Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you!


	14. The Longest Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _When Duncan came to again, he was stumbling along, with Rhys holding him upright. They were on deck and the bear was chasing a couple of armed men._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Rescue mission!

A hand on his arm, hot against his bare skin. 

Footsteps, echoing on metal.

Voices, talking in a language he couldn't understand.

The muffled sound of gunfire. 

'Duncan!'

Duncan jerked awake, blinking up at Rhys. Sleep clung to his thoughts like cobwebs and he wasn't sure he wasn't dreaming. A movement in the corner of his eye made him flinch, someone else was there. With a start, he recognised the red armour and the pale skin: Gaichu. Seeing the ghoul was enough of a shock to kick his brain into gear. 

Rhys touched Duncan's face, looked him in the eyes with worry. 'What have they done to you?'

'Jus' painkillers, 'm fine.' Duncan shook his head and groaned when the movement made him dizzy. He had problems processing what was happening, but threw off the blankets and sat up. Hesitantly, he touched Rhys' face and Rhys leaned into his touch for a moment.

Gaichu was listening to the fight outside, his posture tense and his head cocked. 'We need to leave. The others have met with considerable resistance and firepower.'

Rhys shot Duncan a last worried glance and bent to pick the lock of the handcuff. 'Can you walk?' He hissed with annoyance when a particularly strong roll of the ship made him fumble, but it only took him a couple of seconds to open the cuff. Duncan had nodded at the question and couldn't suppress a groan when Rhys took the cuff off, tearing open the scabbed wounds on Duncan's wrist.

Rhys pulled him to his feet and took the time to hug him tightly for a second. His smell convinced Duncan that he wasn't dreaming after all. They had brought some body armour and a gun, but he was so groggy that he needed help with the armour and wasn't sure he'd hit anything if he had to shoot. But the pistol's weight in his hand felt reassuring.

'Let's go.' Rhys nodded at Gaichu who took point. 

Outside the container, a grizzly bear had been waiting and now put itself next to Duncan. Its strong musk covered the cold stench of metal and fuel in the cargo hold. He had seen it before, but never quite realised just how enormous it was and how absolutely real it looked. He was glad it was on their side.

Leaning on Rhys, Duncan could keep up with Gaichu who had no problems navigating between the towering stacks of crates in the half-empty belly of the ship. Duncan had to concentrate just on walking, he still was dizzy and disorientated. It surprised him badly when a crewman ambushed them, aiming a submachine gun at them. It did not surprise Gaichu. He cut the man down with his sword in one smooth, graceful motion.

Duncan's knees buckled and everything faded to black for a moment. When he came to again, he was stumbling along, with Rhys holding him upright. They were on deck and the bear was chasing a couple of armed men. One of them simply jumped overboard, screaming in terror. The other ran right into Gaichu and his head followed his companion. 

The howling of the storm made it hard to hear anything, but people were still shooting somewhere. Duncan realised he had lost a good chunk of time and looked around frantically. Rhys pointed ahead of them: 'Over there. Racter's waiting with the boat.' Squinting into the rain, Duncan spotted grappling hooks and ropes dangling from the railing.

 _Racter? How the fuck are they all here?_ Duncan shook his head muzzily, he would figure it out later. 

They ran across the pitching, slippery deck. Rain and spray drenched all of them to the skin in seconds. The water dripping from Rhys' face ran red where it washed away blood dripping from his nose and ears. 

'I'll levitate you down. Just hold still.' Rhys was breathing hard and had to hold onto the railing to keep his balance. His bear stood in front of them, shielding them. One hand in its fur, Rhys seemed to draw some strength from it.

'I can climb down, you're already...', _...bleeding_. Duncan didn't get to finish his sentence. As Rhys cast his spell, he lost the ground beneath his feet and was carried overboard. The last thing he saw before the deck disappeared from view was more blood gushing from Rhys' nose and Gaichu sprinting towards another enemy, sword raised. 

Duncan hated having magic done to him at the best of times. Floating in the darkness towards the churning waves, held only by Rhys' concentration, was definitely among the more terrifying experiences. If he fell now, he would drown and it would be with the knowledge that Rhys was dead or at least badly hurt. 

He landed safely on the deck of a small motorboat. The moment the spell faded he slipped and fell, knocking his breath out of him. Racter, his ubiquitous cigarette fighting a losing battle against the rain, pulled him upright. 'Welcome aboard.'

For a time after that, Duncan's memories were a blur once more. He remembered being under deck, shivering uncontrollably from the cold until someone had wrapped him in a blanket. There had been rats watching him, so it had probably been Gobbet. He had tried to ask about Rhys, but hadn't been able to get the words out.

The next thing he knew, he was stumbling through another corridor on another ship. He recognised the Bolthole even though she looked a lot less like a wreck now and more like an actual ship. Rhys was helping him, blood drying on his face and clothes. He looked like hell and winced with every movement. They both left a trail of water dripping from their clothes.

Rhys shoved open the door to a cabin with his hip and dragged Duncan inside. They collapsed on the bunk together. 

Duncan grabbed Rhys and held him. He knew he must smell horrible, but Rhys didn't seem to care. He hugged Duncan tightly, almost trying to crawl into him.

'I was so fucking terrified I'd never see you again.' Rhys took a deep, shaky breath.

'I thought they might have killed you...', Duncan mumbled into Rhys' shoulder. Even with Rhys right there, the thought made him shiver. He wanted to ask what had happened but he was too tired and dazed. Right now, he just wanted to be close to Rhys. 

He fumbled with the straps of his body armour but couldn't get them to work until Rhys helped him. With the armour and their wet clothes dropped to the floor, Rhys gently pushed Duncan back on the bunk. 'You need either sleep or a stim patch and I am not giving you stims in your condition. So sleep it is. Everything else is a problem for later.'

Duncan couldn't have agreed more. He made some room on the bunk for Rhys to sit. 'Will you stay?'

'What do you think?' Rhys sat on the bunk and Duncan put his head into Rhys' lap, pulled the blanket over himself. With Rhys running his fingers through Duncan's hair, he was asleep within seconds.

  
  


* * *

  
  


When Duncan woke up again, he had the bunk to himself. But Rhys had made himself a nest of blankets on the floor right next to it. Duncan rolled over on his stomach and spend a couple of minutes watching Rhys sleep. Lying on his side, Rhys slept with one hand under his cheek. He looked so vulnerable it made Duncan's heart ache. If only they were home already and the most complicated thing awaiting them was the decision what to make for breakfast.

Eventually, Rhys stirred and woke up. He had cleaned the blood from his face while Duncan had slept, but he still looked drawn and pale. 'Good morning. Do you feel better?'

'Mhm, much.' Duncan sat up and stretched. He winced when he brushed his injured hand against the top bunk by accident.

Rhys hunkered down in front of Duncan, gently taking his hand to take a closer look at the wrist and thumb. 'Let me heal that.'

Duncan pulled his hand away. 'Don't, you're drained. We can use a medkit.'

Rhys looked up at him with a smile. 'Magic is faster. And I've had some rest, I'm up to it.'

Duncan gave in, he still didn't have the strength to protest. He let Rhys hold his hand again and the magic crept into his body with an electric tingling. The deep cuts on his wrist started to heal, flesh and skin growing back as a rapid pace. The joint popped back into its socket. The bruises began to disappear. Under his skin, the tendons and bones of his thumb knit themselves together again. Duncan could see them moving and was hit with an intense wave of nausea. He started shivering and was suddenly freezing cold. He drew back his hand and got up. 'I need a shower...'

Rhys shot him a worried look, but didn't stop him. 'I brought clothes', he gestured toward a duffle bag on the floor. 'Come find me and the others in the galley when you're done, okay?'

After putting on some clothes, Duncan headed towards the shower and made it across the corridor without meeting anyone. He hadn't been up to asking Rhys exactly who he had meant by 'others' but he guessed that Is0bel and Echo were on board as well. He undressed with shaking hands and got into the shower. It was so tiny he couldn't have collapsed if he had tried. He leaned against the wall and let the water run over him.

He was overwhelmed, too many things were jostling for attention in his mind. The sheer mental exhaustion, the nausea, the fact that he would have to talk to Echo and the others, the fact that Rhys has somehow managed to find them... As long as he stayed in the shower, he could keep it all at bay. Just a couple of hours ago, being alone had driven him crazy, but now it was vastly preferable to what was waiting in the galley for him.

Eventually, the water ran cold and a delicious smell of food had started to creep into the room, making his stomach growl. He did take the time to shave and to fix his mohawk. It made him feel better, for the normality it brought.

Back in the cabin, he went through the duffel bag and chose cargo pants, combat boots and a black shirt. As close to a uniform as anything he had, for the confidence it brought. 

Sorting through the bag, he realised that Rhys has been at his place and had packed everything he thought important, not just clothes. Turning over his Lone Star badge in his hands, Duncan thought about living a life that could be packed into one duffel bag. 

He had never let Rhys see his place, a tiny room in a slum, chosen for cheapness and anonymity. The thought of Rhys having been there made him ashamed.

Now that the painkillers no longer numbed him, anger started to roil in his gut. Anger at having his privacy violated. At having his agency taken away. At getting turned into a pawn in other peoples' games. 

Again.

Duncan dropped the badge into the bag and stepped out into the corridor, pulling the door to the cabin shut harder than necessary. He walked towards the galley, shoulders tense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [Lexi Lopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) \- thank you!


	15. No More Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Gobbet cleared the table with a jump. Duncan had just time to brace himself before she launched herself into an enthusiastic hug._  
>  Reunion!

Gobbet cleared the table with a jump. Duncan had just time to brace himself before she launched herself into an enthusiastic hug. Her rats ran to sit on Duncan's shoulders, chittering excitedly, tiny claws tickling on his skin. Duncan held Gobbet and used the cover to look at the others. 

He didn't have to fear a hug from Gaichu, the ghoul made do with a little bow and a nod. Racter was watching everything like he was seeing a particularly interesting nature documentary. He wore his usual half-smile that didn't reach his eyes. Smoke from his cigarette curled around him.

Is0bel had followed Gobbet and got pulled into the hug by her. Duncan couldn't resist the urge to just pick her up. That got him an indignant squeak but also a whispered: 'I'm glad you're okay. Don't do shit like that again, okay?' He nodded, at a loss for words. But it was enough for Is0bel who after all wasn't big on talking herself.

When he had put them both down, he couldn't avoid Echo any longer. At a glance, Echo looked just the same hulking troll shadowrunner he had been when Duncan had left. But his clothes, though casual, were bespoke and fit well, even Duncan with no eye for fashion noticed that. And he had broken off one of his horns, leaving the jagged edge as it was. There was a story there but Duncan was not ready for it. 

Neither was Echo. He had always been the more socially savvy of the two of them but now he obviously didn't know what to say. '...Duncan...fuck, man, it's good to see you but I wish it wasn't because...' Echo made a helpless gesture. He was very clearly walking on eggshells. No surprise, considering their last conversation.

'...because of me getting kidnapped.' Duncan took a deep breath. 'Thank you for coming after me. After what happened, you had no reason to.'

Echo shook his head. 'You're my brother, whether you like it or not. Of course I came.'

Duncan wasn't up for getting into that just yet. 'I'm starving. Do you think we could have the serious life and death conversation after breakfast?' He tried to keep his tone light and Echo relaxed at least a bit.

'Best idea I've heard all morning!' Gobbet was already busy loading enormous portions of scrambled eggs onto plates. Is0bel scooted over and made some room between herself and Rhys for Duncan. For a while it was almost like nothing had changed. It was easy to fall into the usual banter with Gobbet in particular. Even the smells were the same and the scratched and battered wooden table Echo had scrounged from somewhere when he got tired of accidentally breaking the plastic ones. Rhys' welcome presence was the only sign the last two years had even happened. Duncan allowed himself the illusion of family and comfort.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Duncan pushed his plate away and leaned back. He felt marginally better with some food in his stomach, but not much. 'Ok, can someone please explain to me what is going on?' He looked at Rhys and Gobbet, but it was Echo who answered.

'Someone figured out who you are and that kidnapping you might, let's say, distract me and the others from a run we're planning.' He gestured at everyone. 'It worked. Although probably not nearly as well as they had planned, thanks to Rhys. He found us at ShadowSea, asking for me and mentioning your name. That got our attention fast.'

'Wei sold you out, for a pretty good sum. Rhys pointed us in his direction and after a - talk', a quick glance at Gaichu, 'he told us all about it. Bad luck, really. One of his people recognised you right when you got stabbed and Wei sat on that info until it was useful. He had a tracker installed along with your cyberkidney so he wouldn't lose his investment. We need to take care of that as soon as possible.' Echo played with his fork, turning it over between his fingers. 'You better leave Hong Kong, it's not safe for you. We can get you a SIN. It's fake, but it's high-class enough to start over with.'

Duncan had listened, his face carefully neutral. Now he stood up and paced the length of the galley before coming to stand well in Echo's personal space. 'I should have _known_ this was about you. I had just started to get back on my feet and now you're telling me, sorry Duncan, I fucked up your life again? You better leave so you're not in the way? _Fuck_ you!' 

He was trembling with rage, his hands balled into fists. Another step got him right into Echo's face. Echo could have thrown him across the room with a casual shove, but Duncan didn't care. He cared even less about the hurt he saw in Echo's eyes. In fact, he relished it. 'Just fucking drop me off somewhere, don't bother trying to help me. I promise I won't make things difficult for you again.' 

The galley was completely silent, except for the bubbling of Gobbet's eternal soup on the stove. Duncan turned on his heels and made for the stairs to go on deck. He stopped dead on the first step when he faced Koschei, lurking on the stairs. The drone raised itself on its many legs, ready to jump. Its red eyes glowed in the darkness of the stairwell. 

Duncan rounded on Racter: 'Call that fucking thing off before I take it apart.' Racter just watched him silently, as if curious to see Duncan try.

Rhys stood and took a step towards Duncan, both hands raised. 'Duncan, please. You can't go on deck until we've taken care of the tracker. And I think what Echo has to say is worth listening to.'

Duncan turned on him. 'Keep out of this, Rhys. This is none of your fucking business.'

Rhys stared at him, speechless. Is0bel sucked in her breath and Gobbet's 'oh shit' was very loud in the ringing silence. Even Gaichu looked uncomfortable.

Duncan couldn't stand the weight of their stares and fled to his cabin. He hadn't made it halfway down the corridor when Rhys came up behind him at a run. Before he had fully turned, Rhys had grabbed him and shoved him painfully hard against the wall. Rhys held him there, one hand against Duncan's chest. He smacked Duncan's hand away when Duncan tried to shake him off, slammed him into the wall again. 

'It's none of my business? What the _fuck_ , Duncan? Do you even listen to yourself?' Rhys yelled loud enough for everyone on board to hear. His sudden rage took Duncan's breath away. 'Yeah, Echo fucked up your life, maybe so. But you're so busy being pissed at him for that that you're willing to throw away the chance at having what you want? A SIN and a normal life? Really, you're going to walk away from that just for that chip on your shoulder? And you're throwing me away with it! I'm done with your bullshit, Duncan!' 

Rhys dropped his voice almost to a whisper, choked by tears. One tear fell on Duncan's hand where he had grabbed Rhys' wrist. 'I suggest you think long and hard about your next step here. I'm going on deck. Don't you _dare_ follow me.'

He let go and stalked down the corridor. Duncan staggered, no longer held upright. Instinctively, he made a move to follow Rhys, but thought better of it. 'Fuck.' Numb with shock, it took conscious effort of him to turn away. He retreated into his cabin to do what Rhys had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [LexiLopezi - thank you!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi)


	16. The Man of Sorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Listen, I'm sorry. You came after me, you saved my ass and you were trying to make amends._  
>  Duncan tries to unfuck things.

When Duncan finally emerged from his cabin again, the galley was empty. He had heard everyone leaving, going about their business. Gobbet had knocked on his door, but had shown restrain for once in her life and hadn't barged in. She'd made do with telling him through the closed door that he'd been an dick to Echo and to Rhys. And that she still had her old cabin if he wanted to talk. He hadn't taken her up on the offer, but he knew she was right.

He stood in the empty corridor for a moment, gathering his courage, before he went to find Echo. His brother had made himself at home in a newly created compartment in the hold. It still wasn't spacious, but better than the normal cabins. He was sitting on a troll sized bunk - he had obviously gotten tired of sleeping on the floor. The room felt even smaller than it should have, with a troll, an ork and all the baggage between them jostling for space.

Duncan closed the door behind him and leaned on it. 'Listen, I'm sorry. You came after me, you saved my ass and you were trying to make amends. I had no right to throw it all in your face like that. I was out of line.'

Echo scratched his horns. 'Apology accepted. And believe me, I get it. You wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for me.'

'Would you make the same decision again, if we were back in front of that warehouse? Knowing what you know now.' Duncan hadn't meant to bring it up, but it had been sitting in his stomach for the past two years now.

Echo dropped his gaze and hesitated before he looked back up. 'Yes. I'm sorry, but I would.'

'Thank you for not lying to me.' Duncan surprised himself by not being angry. Now that he actually spoke to Echo, he found it much harder to hold onto his grudge. 'I ... still wish it hadn't come to this, but I understand why you made this decision.'

Echo stood up, his horns almost grazing the ceiling. He would have paced, but the cabin was too small for much more than a step in each direction for him. 'Duncan, won't you stay? With us, I mean. We've missed you. _I_ missed you.'

It was more tempting than Duncan would ever have thought. 'I don't think I can live this life. It's not right for me. Just like my kind of life has never been right for you.' He looked up at Echo. 'I need to talk to Rhys before I decide. I need to see if I can save this. I'll come find you after, however it goes.'

Echo smiled and gave Duncan a gentle punch to the shoulder than made Duncan stagger. 'I think it'll go a lot better than you think because he fucking loves you. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Don't let it go to your head, you really were an asshole to him just now. But unless you push him away much harder than this, he's not going anywhere.'

'I'm gone for two years and suddenly you're the relationship expert? A lot must have happened there.' Duncan easily fell into the mocking tone he and Echo preferred. But he was secretly relieved because Echo did have a gift for reading people.

'I'm just not blind. Go, talk to him. I'm not going anywhere.' Echo all but shoved him out of the door.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Duncan went up to Gobbet's cabin on a hunch. The bridge was still taken over by Is0bel's pet project, cables and screens everywhere. Is0bel herself was nowhere in sight. He stepped carefully over the cables and knocked on Gobbet's door. When he heard her call, he went in.

Gobbet was sitting on her mattress with Rhys, both of them with a rat in their lap and a bowl of tiny dried fish between them. 'I'll ... let you have the room!' She grabbed her rats and quickly patted Rhys' arm. All Duncan got was a murmured 'Don't fuck this up!' before she closed the door on her way out.

Rhys hadn't moved, his face unreadable. He waited for Duncan to speak and did nothing to make it any easier.

Duncan made a step forward and then just sat on the floor amidst dishes, instant noodle cups and cushions. He didn't want to have this conversation standing over Rhys but he also didn't feel like sitting next to him.

'I fucked up, I apologise. I didn't mean to shut you out. I want you in my life and we need to talk about what we are going to do. If you still want to, that is.' It felt like an eternity until Rhys reacted. Duncan's pulse raced with fear.

Rhys took a deep breath. 'Come, sit with me.' He waited until Duncan had moved the bowl of fish and had sat down across from him. Rhys touched Duncan's face, a quick brush with his fingertips. 'I want to. I would never have gotten so angry if I didn't. I'm sorry I yelled at you like that, but it felt like I was losing you.'

The tension went out of Duncan. He moved closer to Rhys, close enough to put a hand on his arm. He needed to feel Rhys' skin, his warmth. 'I think I needed you yelling at me. I wouldn't have listened to Echo otherwise. But I'm sorry I hurt you, I never wanted that.' He hesitated for a moment before asking, 'Do you really think I have a chip on my shoulder about this whole thing? That I'm wrong to be angry at Echo?'

'Yes and no. From what you have told me and what the others told me, it was a bad situation with no good solution. If you ask me, Echo has made the right decision. But he _did_ take away your chance at a normal life with making it. I think I would have been every bit as angry as you about that. But when you tried to hold onto that anger at the price of having another chance at a normal life out of the Shadows, that's when it became a problem.'

Duncan nodded and gave Rhys' hand a squeeze. 'I talked to Echo. I apologised to him, too. He asked me if I wanted to stay. But I haven't decided yet. I can't, not without you. If I decide to leave, to take the fake SIN and start over somewhere else, will you come with me?' He was standing at the edge of a sheer cliff, threatening to fall.

'I'll come with you. I have a SIN, I can find work as a medic or whatever. I don't need to work the Shadows and I don't need to stay here. We could go to England, move to London. I know a couple of people there and I've lived there for a time. Unless you want to go back to the UCAS, of course.' Rhys' enthusiasm was infectious and for a moment, Duncan was actually excited. He was on firm ground again.

It didn't last long before it got squashed by the thought of everything that was standing in their way. He rubbed his face with both hands. 'Wherever we'll go, we need to deal with that fucking tracker Wei put into me first. And I need to find work. A place to live. I don't even know if I can lead a normal life any more. Maybe we should stay with Echo and the others after all.'

Starting over scared him to death, now that he had it within his grasp, even with Rhys at his side. The siren song of the familiar life of running the shadows with Echo and the others was very loud. As much as he had hated it back then, it had also felt good to be part of this group. This ragtag family, as broken as it was.

Rhys leaned close and kissed him. 'Don't take this the wrong way, but have you started taking your meds again? I brought them. Because I can hear your anxiety talking and you know how bad it is at handling important decisions. We have a few days before we really need to decide, so how about we go to our cabin, you take your meds and we get a bit more sleep before we talk to Echo about the tracker. One thing after the other. You don't have to solve everything all at once and certainly not when you're running on empty.'

At the mention of sleep, Duncan noticed how tired he was. Half a night of sleep hadn't taken care of his exhaustion, not by a long shot. And while taking up his medication again wouldn't make him feel better right away, he knew Rhys was right. 'Gobbet probably wants her cabin back, we should let her have it.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) -thank you!


	17. Run Silent, Run Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'Why are you doing all this? For me, I mean?'_
> 
> Duncan asks the important questions.

'Fuck off, I'm not letting _him_ dig around in me!' Duncan didn't even try to keep his voice down. Echo winced, but Racter seemed unimpressed.

'It does not seem to me that you have much of a choice. If we don't want anyone to know where you are, we cannot use any of the street docs we know. And you are obviously short on alternatives.' Racter took a drag from his cigarette and shrugged. 'It is either me or you can try to take it out yourself. I assure you, I am confident I can handle this.'

'Confident, sure. I believe that, no problem. I'm just not confident you won't do anything else while you're in there.' Even at his angriest, Duncan kept his distance from Racter to avoid upsetting Koschei. The drone was parked under Racter's chair and fidgeted, moving its legs restlessly.

'But where would the logic in that be? It's not like I am doing brain surgery on you. I admit, if that was the case, there would be a certain temptation.' Duncan thought he could detect a hint of regret in Racter's voice. 'But I will just be removing a tracking device from your cyberkidney. And I will have Gobbet and Rhys watching me. Surely you trust them to make sure everything goes well?'

Before Duncan could answer, Echo stopped him with a look. 'Please. Can we not talk about who might do what to whom if they had the opportunity? This is not getting us anywhere. But Racter is right about him being the only person we have who can do it unless we want to trust a random street doc. Which we don't, even if it didn't need to be done before the Bolthole arrives in Macau.'

After a moment of silence, Duncan deflated. 'Okay. Fuck, you're right. Both of you.' He turned to Racter: 'I apologise. Apparently it's all I do these days, so why stop. I'm getting good at it.'

Racter waved a hand through the smoke around him. 'No apologies necessary. If you feel up to it, I'd say we meet in two hours in my workshop? I'll get started on preparations.' He took Duncan's nod for a sufficient answer and left, Koshei skittering after him.

Duncan glared at Echo, but his heart wasn't in it. 'Man, you really need a professional cyber medic on the team. Don't tell me you'd be eager to have Racter mess with your body.'

'I wouldn't. And if I saw another solution, I wouldn't ask him to do this.' With his hands wrapped around a ridiculously tiny cup of coffee, Echo huddled in a corner of the galley. No amount of remodelling could make the Bolthole troll-sized all over.

'I know. I know, I just hate it.' Duncan sat down at the table.

'So. London, huh?' Echo was curious but their relationship was still too brittle for a direct question.

'Yeah. Rhys has lived there and has friends there. And no new language.' Duncan shrugged. 'Have you been back to Seattle?'

'A couple of times. Hasn't changed much. We'll probably go back at some point, we have some business there. Do you miss it?' Echo watched Duncan from behind his coffee cup.

'Sometimes. Mostly because I can't ever go back. And starting over somewhere I've never been...', Duncan put a lot of words into a vague hand gesture.

'Scary shit.' Echo angled for the coffee pot and refilled his cup. It smelled like it had been reheated at least five times. Just the way Echo liked it. 'Do you know what you're going to do once you're there?' A direct question after all.

And one Duncan wished he had an answer to. 'Look for honest work I guess? Legal work, I mean. I won't ever get to be a cop again, not with a fake SIN. Not even with one this good. Too risky. Private security, maybe. I don't know.'

Echo had watched him closely. 'And Rhys? He wants to go straight to?'

'We're going to try. He's a shaman and a medic, I doubt he'll have trouble finding work. Even so, I have no idea why he's so ready to drop everything and come with me.' Duncan realised he really didn't know why Rhys was so unconcerned about leaving his life behind and starting over. What if it didn't work out?

Echo sighed. 'Ask him, okay? Don't let it eat away at you while you keep it to yourself. You kind of tend to do that.'

Anger flared up in Duncan's gut, but he kept it under control. It was good advice. 'I know. I will. Something to look forward to when Racter's done with me. Hey, maybe he'll fuck up and I get around that talk.'

Echo just looked at him, eyebrows raised.

'What.' Now Duncan was getting annoyed for real.

'You're worrying too much there, I think. You know your own worth well when it comes to your skills. Trust yourself a bit more in other areas, too, okay?' 

Duncan scoffed. 'What, you're having a second career running an advice column now?'

'Have it your way.' Echo clearly didn't want to fight and backed down, looked away first.

'I'll go and prepare to have Racter cut me open. I'll see you later.' Duncan got up and walked away, felt Echo's gaze between his shoulder blades.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The surgery had really been as minor and without problems as Racter had promised. He'd dropped the tracker into Duncan's hand afterwards and Duncan had crushed it. The crunch of it splintering into tiny pieces had been very satisfying. 

When he felt up to it, Duncan had gone on deck. He hadn't seen daylight for more than a week now and felt the need to have the wind on his skin, see the sun. Rhys had come with him and was leaning on the railing, watching the waves. 

Duncan looked at him, trying to find the right words. 'Why are you doing all this? For me, I mean?'

They had not been the right words. Rhys turned to him in utter surprise. 'What do you mean?' He sounded suspicious, like he thought he wasn't getting an obvious joke.

'Listen, you picked me up out of the gutter. And right from the start, you had my back, no questions asked. All you got out of this is trouble. I'm ... I don't want to be a burden to you.'

Rhys jaw had dropped and it took him a visible effort to keep it together. 'You are kidding, right? You've got to be. Do you really think that's what you are to me, trouble? Just a burden? A project I'm going to abandon at some point?' He was clutching the railing so hard his knuckles turned white. 'Is that honestly what you think, of yourself and of me? That I'm going to leave you when it gets too much, drop you like a broken toy? That hurts. It fucking hurts.'

'I don't know what to think, that's why I'm asking.' Duncan faced Rhys, arms crossed. 'You took me home when I was so drunk, I can't even remember our first meeting. When I told you about Wei, you immediately tried to help. And now you're ready to drop everything at a moment's notice. What do you get out of this?'

Rhys stared at him. He opened his mouth, shut it again, turned away to look out to sea. When Duncan tried to say something, Rhys held up his hand, asking silently for time. Duncan waited.

'You. I get you.' Rhys turned to him again. 'And I'm not leaving my life behind, I'm just going where my life takes me. With you.'

'But...' Duncan's heart beat faster at hearing Rhys say this. He still couldn't believe it, couldn't trust it. It scared him even to try.

Rhys held out a hand, waited for Duncan to take it, to drop his defenses at least slightly. 'You are _not_ a burden to me. You are the man I love and want to be with. And this is what we had planned - leave Hong Kong, start over. It's just happening a lot faster than we thought.'

'I'm- You're right. It's just - the thought that you're actually doing this, it scares me. What if I fuck up and take you down with me?' Duncan forced himself not to look away when he said it.

The wind had stolen a few strands from Rhys' braid. He brushed them behind his ears, stepped closer and cupped Duncan's face in both hands. 'Please, stop thinking that you're a catastrophe waiting to happen. That you're worthless. You are not. Trust yourself and trust me to know my own mind, okay?'

Duncan nodded and pulled Rhys into a hug. He didn't know what to say. He did feel better and while he still found it hard to believe anyone would think so much of him, he did trust Rhys, blindly. 'I love you. I'm so fucking glad you picked me up at that bar.' Duncan hid in their embrace, he found it easier to say these things when he wasn't looking into Rhys' eyes.

Rhys had other plans and leaned back so he could look at Duncan. 'Hey, I know a good thing when I see it.' He smiled, nestled into Duncan again. 'I love you too.'

There was silence for a minute while they stood, enjoying the warmth of the sun and of each other. Duncan suddenly looked up when a thought struck him: 'What about your plants?'

'My _plants_?' Rhys burst out laughing and the sound lifted Duncan's spirits, they hadn't had much to laugh about these last few days. 'That is what you're worrying about?'

'Well, yeah. Anything else, you can just have put into a container and shipped if you want to, but the plants?' Duncan was serious. He realised he was going to miss the miniature jungle on Rhys' balcony.

'I'll have someone pick them up, I know another shaman who'll give them a good home. And once we've found a place, I'm going to get new ones.' Rhys gently pushed Duncan towards one of the covered hatches so they could sit down. 'Be glad it's just plants. Imagine if we had a dog or a cat.'

'Better not. But I think we should try and get a balcony again. Grow some stuff.' Duncan knew it was more wishful thinking than anything else at this point, but you had to start somewhere.

'Look at you, city boy. Where does that come from all of a sudden? But yeah, we're going to grow our own vegetables. And have a place together, with a view and a kitchen we can actually sit in. Not to mention the bathtub and the big bedroom. It'll be great.' The way Rhys said it, Duncan believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read by [Lexi Lopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi)
> 
> One more chapter to go! I'm a bit sad and very excited!


	18. Out of the Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _For a short moment, he was very close to calling it all off, going back to the Bolthole and staying. Try to make it work somehow._  
>  One thing ends, others begin.

The night had been cold, but seeing the sky turn a dark blue with stars scattered in the West was worth it. The world was holding its breath and Duncan enjoyed the quiet. Purple and red started to creep into the sky in the East, setting the horizon on fire. 

He was sitting a little way from the water on the river bank. Fog rose from the river, clouding it in white mist. A couple of elk carefully walked to the edge of the water to drink and Duncan kept perfectly still, watching them. By the time the elk stepped back into the forest, the sun was sending its first rays over the horizon, lighting up the scattered clouds from below. It was going to be a warm day, the air smelling of wet grass and summer already. 

Duncan took a sip of coffee and grabbed a handful of trail mix. He had no intention of getting up, but some breakfast while the sun rose seemed perfect right now. 

A bear walked onto the river bank from right behind him. Duncan hadn't heard anything, but he had smelled the bear before he saw it. He put down his coffee and got to his feet in slow motion. The bear turned to him and Duncan looked into its eyes for a few heart beats. Neither of them moved while they regarded each other. The bear's breath rose as clouds in the cool morning air.

With a sigh, the bear nudged him with its massive head, a gesture of affection that pushed Duncan over. He sat down hard in the sand, the bear standing over him, its snout pressed to Duncan's chest. Its fur was coarse and slightly damp, with a hint of heat underneath. Duncan buried his fingers in it, the hairs soft and warm under the rough outer layer. He scratched the bear behind the ears. For a moment he wondered if that wasn't disrespectful, but the bear let itself be petted for a while. 

When it had had enough, it nudged Duncan again, turned and walked off into the woods. Now that he was paying attention, he heard its soft steps and the rustling of the underbrush. Finally, everything was quiet again except for the rushing of the water and the bird song. Duncan went back to watching the sun rise; the smell of wood fires, incense and cardamom in his nose and on his hands.

Turbulence shook the plane and woke him. The sky outside was still dark. Rhys was asleep, leaning into Duncan's shoulder. He mumbled something and pulled his blanket higher. Duncan pushed his nose into Rhys' hair and breathed in his smell.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Saying goodbye to the others had been a hurried affair and Duncan wasn't entirely sad about it. It cut down on the awkwardness.

The Bolthole hadn't come into port in Macau and they had taken their leave of Racter and Gaichu on board, a simple affair of nods and handshakes and even a rare smile in Gaichu's case. After that, they had taken the small motorboat on a smugglers' route to the coast, a rickety bus to the outskirts of the city, and a much more modern shuttle to the airport. 

Echo, Gobbet and Is0bel had come with them to see them off and to do some business in Macau. Duncan hadn't asked. When they got off the shuttle bus, they all stood awkwardly for a moment until Gobbet produced a big package out of her backpack and handed it to Rhys. 'I packed you lunch'

'Will anything in there get us arrested?' Rhys took the package carefully and held it like a ticking bomb. A couple of days had been more than enough to learn what Gobbet meant when she said 'delicious food'. Or 'food' at all.

Gobbet looked innocent. 'Of course not. Maybe don't open the fish on the plane, though.' She turned to Duncan and put her arms around him. 'I hope you get what you want. You deserve it. Listen, let us know how you're doing once in a while, okay?' Gobbet had to stand on tiptoe to reach and Duncan was careful about not hugging too hard until she squeezed the breath out of him.

Is0bel took the cue and handed him a commlink once Gobbet had let him go. 'Use this, it'll be safe. It won't be traceable back to your SIN. Actually, it won't be traceable at all. Just don't lose it or carry it around with you if you plan on getting into trouble. Some of the stuff on here is ... questionable if someone takes a good, long look. But on the surface and even at a second glance, it's a perfectly normal commlink.'

'Thank you.' Duncan pocketed the commlink and hesitated. 'Can I hug you?'

'Pick me up, you mean.' Is0bel rolled her eyes. 'If you must.' But she held on to him when he did. 'Take care, Gun Show.' 

That left Echo. Luckily, Gobbet and Is0bel were busy saying goodbye to Rhys and gave them some privacy.

'There's a place for you and Rhys here, you know that, don't you? I don't mean as a runner. Fuck, this came out all wrong.' Echo was flustered and it made Duncan feel a bit better. 'What I mean is, I have your back, okay? Whatever you need.'

'I know. Fuck, I wish we had more time. Our timing's really shit.' Duncan took a deep breath, a step forward and hugged Echo. It had been years since they had been even remotely close enough to do that. It brought back a tidal wave of memories. Of their time on the streets, of Raymond, of getting into trouble together and of looking out for each other. He missed that, he realised. For a short moment, he was very close to calling it all off, going back to the Bolthole and staying. Try to make it work somehow.

It lasted until Echo took his breath away with a bearhug, lifting him off his feet for a second and putting him down again before anyone noticed. 'Go, you'll miss your flight.'

  
  


* * *

  
  


No one paid them much attention while going through customs in London. They were just two British citizens returning home after living abroad. It was true for Rhys, but Duncan couldn't shake the feeling of being uprooted and lost. At least they had arranged for an apartment for the next month and didn't have to spend time at a hotel. A home, of sorts, while they were looking for a place to settle down.

This was much more relaxed than the last time he had arrived in a new city, but silent panic started to rise within him anyway. It climbed into his throat and threatened to choke him. He took Rhys' hand and pulled him into a corner, out of the way of the throng of people hurrying to their destination.

Rhys saw what was wrong, put his bag down and himself in front of Duncan, shielding him as best as he could. 'Breathe with me, okay? I've got you.' He held Duncan's hand to his own chest so Duncan could feel it rising and falling with the deep breaths Rhys took. 

Duncan closed his eyes, but that made it only worse. Instead, he concentrated on Rhys and made a conscious effort to relax his muscles. And after a while, he was no longer adrift. Rhys was his anchor, steadying him. He could do this. His breathing had returned to normal, his pulse no longer raced. With a smile, he kissed Rhys, running a palm over the soft, short hairs of Rhys' undercut. 'Okay. I'm good to go.'

Only a year ago, showing his affection this openly in public would have made him uneasy. Now, it was a natural, comfortable part of their relationship and he took pride in that. 

Rhys hugged him, squeezed hard. 'Welcome to London.' He let go, almost bouncing with excitement. 'Let's go find a cab.' 

They picked up their bags and walked out into the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaread by [LexiLopezi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexiLopezi) who also encouraged me to finally put this fic up on AO3. Which got me back into writing, which lead to other good things. Thank you so much!
> 
> Shoutout to everyone who went on this trip with me, I appreciate all your comments and encouragement so very much!  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
> The sequel to Out of the Shadows, [Finistère](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18464257/chapters/43744906), has started and will be updated every two weeks. If you are so inclined, everything I've written so far for Duncan and Rhys is collected in [Changing of the Light](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1266935) (So much smut. But also a couple of other things.)


End file.
